What Box?^®

There I was, sitting at a good friend’s dinner table enjoying a wonderful homemade Italian meal when the subject of what makes a person attracted to certain people came up. The discussion revolved around people that you can tell when they have an agenda or are out for themselves in some way. Many times you just can’t put your finger on it. Perhaps you can relate to this.

As the conversation continued we started discussing those people that we are attracted to, people that cause us to think more meaningfully not only about their message but our own lives. What we realized is that there are very few people out there truly engaging people to think more deeply about who they are and where they are going, at least on a meaningful and consistent level. Now, that is not to say that there are not a lot of people trying to come up with some method or “hook”to catch people’s attention. I bet you know, have met, or come in contact with more than one of these people.

So, what is it that attracts us to some people more than others?

Today, we live in world that is increasingly fabricated, manipulated, and made-up. The thing is that people are smarter than ever, and at some level know when they are being played and manipulated to do something that is not necessarily what they want, what they need to do, or that is in their best interest.

Could it be that authenticity is the thing that is missing most today?

Think about the last time you experienced someone authentic. Maybe you mistakenly thought the authenticness was not genuine, because how could someone be authentic today? They have to have an agenda or a “hook” deep down.

Authenticity is a rare thing today for sure. So many of us are trying to be something besides the person we truly are. We want to be what we think we should be or what others think we should be. This only takes us farther away from our authentic self and capturing the power authenticity.

“If you have integrity, nothing else matters.  If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters.” Alan Simpson

People know when they meet an authentic person that there is something different and special about them. Sometimes they can’t put their finger on what it is exactly because they have experienced it so few times in their lives. What they are attracted to is the genuineness and honesty that rises to the top, something that is not easy to fake or manipulate. The openness of the conversation and the positive energy that is created can be intoxicating.

Why are there so few authentic people out there?

Perhaps it is our conformist programming that starts when we are young and takes over by the time we are adults. Conformity has helped us to survive and live longer lives which is a positive. It is a good idea to drive on the right-hand side of the road and pay your taxes. On the other hand, each of us has our unique God given talents and skills, the thing that makes us special. Conformity, in many cases, caps these talents and skills, because they might make us different and act in ways that, well, don’t conform.

“The most damaging phrase in the language is:  ‘It’s always been done that way.” Grace Hopper

Perhaps there are very few authentic people because we don’t like to think about things that cannot be packaged and easily understood. Abstract thinking is not easy to understand. We have to actually think and process information to start gaining clarity. We would rather have ideas and thoughts personalized or turned into heroes or villains we can point to such as Kennedy or Bin Laden. It is just easier than having to go through the transformational and life long process of becoming an authentic person.

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.  If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened.  But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” Friedrich Nietzsche

To be authentic one has to take the big step of looking inward before the ability to act outwardly has any true value. In our world of instant gratification and silver bullets no one really wants to do the work necessary to become authentic. This is why guru’s, coaches, and motivational speakers are growing at an ever-increasing pace.

Wake up! Only you can do it!

Now is the time to mobilize your innate-strengths and become your true self. Focus on being you, not someone else. Embrace the good and bad of who you are and start putting more focus on the good.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” e.e. cummings

You can do anything you want to do. One of the keys is to be yourself, let go, and get in touch with what makes you special. You can do it.

Authenticity is a rarity and your ability to tap the power of living an authentic life is one that will not only transform your life, but the lives of those around you. All you have to do is look inward rather than outward.

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” e.e. cummings

What are you waiting for?

Let me know what you think.

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create yourself.

You have a very powerful skill. Everyone has it. It’s the skill of creativity. When you use your creative skills you open the door to new and unlimited possibilities. When you don’t use these skills you are closing the door on a world where anything is possible. What kind of world do you want to create? How are you using your creativity skills?

Over the years of exploring, teaching, and developing creativity I have learned that unleashing creativity is a matter of opening up to possibilities. Creativity grows when you are playing with possibilities. Creativity is about developing and designing ideas that have the possibility of taking form. Without possibility creativity cannot take place.

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of person that you will be happy with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.” Foster C McClellan

Possibility is a very important part of the creative process. You may arrive at a certain answer, but what other ‘possible’ answers might there be?

You will surprise yourself at how many possibilities you can find and develop beyond the first ones that you think of.

Opening up to possibility takes practice and determination.

With creativity, good is never good enough. You can always develop the thinking skills involved even further. As you practice these skills, you pick up not only the ability, but also the confidence to be creative. Confidence is a very key part in developing your creativity. If you have confidence in your creativity, you will indeed become more creative.

It is extremely important to distinguish confidence from arrogance. Having confidence in you is being open and willing to go further in exploring other possibilities. Arrogance is being closed and defensiveness when other ideas are presented. Very creative people are rarely arrogant.

Practicing possibility is a matter of remaining open when a new idea or suggestion comes to you or is shared with you by another. Practicing possibility means that there is no end to the ideas that can be developed and expanded upon. Practicing possibility means that you will be tapping an unlimited reservoir of your creativity and potential.

“The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.” Arthur C. Clarke

You can do anything you want to do. All it takes is using the creativity skills you already have inside of you.

What kind of life do you want to create?

Practicing possibility is a great way to get there.

Let me know what you think.

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create yourself.

If you are a very active person, maybe you can relate to this.  It is not often that I carve out any quality downtime to rest and rejuvenate myself.  I have found that one of the best ways to get a fresh perspective on my life and how I’m focusing my energies is when I am relaxing and in generally letting my mind wander.

When I take the time to relax, and focus on getting some quality reflective time, I grab one of my sketchbooks and start to visualize what ever comes to my head, in a kind of free flow of consciousness. While I am sketching, I like to think about this: “What do I want?” My wants and personal needs have changed over time and, as a result, I am always re-evaluating what it is that I want so that I can more clearly understand the decisions I have to make for me to accomplish my goals.

“When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind.” Seneca

At times I am not totally sure of what I want. It is during those times that I turn to my purpose, “To make a positive difference and showcase what is possible.” My purpose acts as my ships rudder and is a reminder of the focused decisions I must make to achieve what I want in my life. If “what I want” fits within my purpose I am moving in the right direction. What Box? is a perfect example of fulfilling my purpose and achieving that which I have wanted for quite some time. What Box?’s interactive forum has enabled me to share the creativity, joy, and hardships held within the life lessons and teachings that I have experienced personally and that so many others have generously shared with me.

With so many possibilities within each one of us, how often do we deliberately ask ourselves, “ What do I want?” Our uniquely personal wants are as diverse as the situations in which we find ourselves. Yet, in the time you have been alive on this earth, how many times have you deliberately asked yourself, “What do I want?”

“If you don’t know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.” Lawrence J. Peter

Each of our lives is filled with many choices. If you are going to live the life you want, it is critical that you identify what it is that you want so you can make the choices that will take you there. Can you name what it is that you want in your life?  Most of us have never taken the time to really think about what it is we want, or we don’t even know how to go about figuring it out.

Here is the part that scares me the most. If you don’t make the choices in your life, others will make them for you. Often our choices are a direct result of our circumstances, family, parents, where you grow up, or even your place of birth. Deciding what you want in life is not always easy. This takes practice and patience. When you realize you have the power to make the choices to achieve what it is you want in your life, a new chapter will open for you, a chapter filled with endless opportunities and possibilities.

“Life is the sum of all your choices.” Albert Camus

Here are some of the visual thinking methods I use to discover “what I want” along with what actions to take.

• Write the title, “What Do I Want?” at the top or center of a blank piece of paper. Then draw or list all the things you want as fast as you can. Just let what you want flow out of you without judgment.  Keep on working at it until you have filled as much of the page as possible.
• Prioritize your wants and develop an action plan. Set goals to achieve what it is you want. Set your goals in 1 week, 1 month, and 6 month increments so they become more digestible and less far reaching. When it is really important to me I like to take these written goals and post them where I’ll see them as daily reminders and benchmarks to follow.
• Take the time for a week and keep track of how you spend your time each day. See how much time you focus on attaining what it is you want. At the end of the week evaluate how you spent your time and make adjustments so that you are able to focus more of your time on what it is you really want.
• Start capturing ideas you have about your purpose as they come up for you. Save these ideas in a file, reviewing and adding to them on a regular basis.

How much time and energy this kind of process takes totally depends upon you. Where you are today is the best place to start. You have everything you need inside of you to take you where you want to go.

“People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself.  But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.” Thomas Szasz

Life is so much more rewarding when you are going for and achieving what it is you want from life. The choice is yours.

Let me know what you think.

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create for yourself.

Where do you want to go?

Is it creating a satisfying and lucrative career? Is it raising a family of self-sufficient kind- hearted people? Is it to become one of the richest people on the planet? Is it to walk the Himalayas? Is it to create balance in your life between work and family?

“If you don’t know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.” Lawrence J. Peter

Where do you want to go?

Take a moment and think about where you want to go, because you can create wherever it is you want in your life!
You doubt what I am saying? Confidence in yourself and your abilities is the first step to getting where you want to go.

Do me a favor. Write down as fast you can all the things you want to create in your life – where you want to go. Don’t over think it.

Now, using your imagination, take in and experience what you want to create for yourself. How does it feel?
Now think about what is holding you back from getting there.

“One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it.” Sidney Howard

One of the major reasons people don’t take the step to create what they really want is because it means everything that has become comfortable for them could change. There is the possibility that friends and family will not understand and, in some cases, will not support them. It may mean that the work will become more difficult. Perhaps it will require changing the place that they live. This may mean discovering that one needs to create a new environment for themselves, and as a result a whole new network of friends needs to be created. No small task for sure.

I have been in this situation myself. When I sold my first home in 1992 and decided to take on the entrepreneurial journey my parents thought I was nuts. They said I was making a bad decision. How could I quite my job to start a business and, of all things, base it upon the Internet? They said, “You are throwing away your future.”

Just thinking about it now reminds me how difficult it was to move forward with my own goals and objectives without the influence of the nay-sayers who mattered the most in my life. I just kept letting them know it would work out and that if it did not kill me I would grow stronger from it. That would be when my Mother would say, “That is if I don’t kill you first.”

Things changed one day, a day I will never forget. It took over three years for me to get my entrepreneurial feet under me, but when I did the press started taking notice. As a result I was a featured entrepreneur on the front page of the Silicon Valley Business Journal. There I was on the front cover being showcased as an Internet visionary. When my Mother received her first call from one of her friends that read the article she couldn’t believe it.

That was not the first call she received that day. In fact, it was one of a dozen. When she finally saw me that night she couldn’t have been more proud. “I knew you would make it, beating all the odds. I am so proud of you.” That is quite a different tone than I was receiving over the three years before the article.

Sometimes it takes someone else, other than those closest to you, to recognize the possibility of your hard work and effort. They understand the power of going for what you want even when the odds are stacked against you. You see, you have to stand strong and realize that most people are afraid of the unknown. They are fearful of those who are actually going for what it is they want despite all the odds against them

When you are going for what you want, you are, in a roundabout way, throwing it in the faces of those think you can’t. They are not going for what they want because of their fear of the unknown.

Don’t let this happen to you. Be strong, stand tall, and never ever give up.

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” Harriet Beecher Stowe

Where do you want to go?

Where ever you want to go you can get there if you are willing to work hard enough and put up with the nay-sayers along the way.

You can do it and I bet do can do it with style.

What are you waiting for?

Let me know what you think.

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create yourself.