What Box?^®

At some point during our lives we will all be disappointed by a dream not coming true, embarking on an endeavor that fails to reach its goal, not winning a game, or experiencing a loss because of our decision to take a risk. These kinds of failures are what I like to call “arrows of wisdom” which hold the keys to great learning and future successes. The challenge is not to become tarnished by the pain that these arrows cause you, but instead to identify the insights that will allow you to polish and ready yourself for the next adventure.

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” Abraham Maslow

I am not talking about the kinds of arrows that will hurt you physically. I am talking about the kinds of arrows you take when you stretch yourself to go beyond what others think is safe, like starting a business, running for an elected office, making a career change, painting your emotions, or moving to a new city. Not everything you do will succeed or turn out the way you would like. This is just a fact of life. As a result, many people will not even try to take a risk because they might fail. They avoid the lessons these arrows of wisdom hold for them because they fear the perceived emotional pain that the arrows may cause. I say, “Bring on the arrows.” I hope that you will too.

In my life I have had more than my fair share of arrows hit me in the back. Some have hurt more than others, but each time I am pierced by an arrow I have committed to work to find the wisdom and lessons that each arrow holds for me. It is not easy to do this and sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and take on a job as a gardener or sell it all and move to a remote island beach and check out. The thing is that none of these actions would move me in the direction of achieving my purpose in life.

It has taken me quite a while to appreciate these arrows of wisdom. As I have learned to embrace them they actually hurt less and I am able to absorb the lessons that they hold more easily. These lessons have made me stronger. They have allowed me to take on larger risks because they are backed by greater wisdom. These lessons have allowed me to constantly grow and transform myself into a person of value and insights. These lessons have come with the responsibility to share them so that others may learn how to respond when they are hit by their own arrows of wisdom. We all have lessons to share. The question is how are you sharing your lessons?

As a way to never forget the lessons that my arrows have taught me I have put my collection of arrows into a quiver. I have assigned them names like patience, listening, loving, giving back, confrontation, the power of words, never giving up, reverence, family reflections, and many more. Whenever I experience being hit by a new arrow, I add it to my quiver of arrows. I reflect upon what I have learned in the past and I take the new arrow from the invisible realm into the physical and continuing my learning.

“Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose your ability to learn new things and move forward in your life.” Dr. David M. Burns

The one thing that we all have in common is that we all have a purpose in life. We have the choice of whether or not we are going to go through the transformational power of living our purpose or ignoring the lessons that the arrows make available to us. It is easier not to learn from these lessons because in order to live your purpose in life you have to look hard at who you are and what actions you take. This means that you have to be responsible for your actions. When you make the decision to live a meaningful and purposeful life you will go through your life knowing that you are going to get hit by those pesky arrows of wisdom as you stretch to reach your full potential. In the process you will embark on a journey of discovering how to achieve your purpose in life.

Regardless of whether or not you decide to reach for your full potential and purpose in life or just go through the motions, you are going to be hit by these arrows of wisdom. The choice is yours. Will you choose to learn from them or will you choose to let them hold you back and prevent you from taking future risks. The greatest risk is not taking a risk at all. We are put here on the planet to fulfill a purpose. To do so we must learn to embrace the arrows that life will shoot at us. When we do, the doors to new and powerful opportunities open and the reality of anything is possible becomes real.

How are you turning your arrows of pain into arrows of wisdom?

Let me know what you think.

Remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create for yourself.

Each and every day that passes holds new opportunities for us to learn. Being open and prepared to learn is one of the keys to living a purposeful life. Another key is the ability to embrace the fact that the more we know the less we know, that we can’t know everything and that we all have room to improve. When a person takes on these keys to living a successful and fulfilling life anything becomes possible.

“Our mind is the most valuable possession that we have. The quality of our lives is, and will be, a reflection of how well we develop, train, and utilize this precious gift.”
Brian Tracy

Being open to life long learning can be a challenge. Many college graduates believe that once they have a college diploma they have all the learning they need to make it through life. Others don’t want people to think they are not smart and as a result they will not acknowledge the fact that they really need to gain additional knowledge to excel. The result of this kind of thinking holds people back and alienates them from people they really want to engage in the first place.

How are you embracing life long learning?

The traditional school system, including college, rarely prepares people for real world issues: how to become an independent thinker; how to become a creative thinker; how to build relationships; how to become involved in community; family development skills; how to live a life dedicated to life long learning. This is why corporations spend billions of dollars each year training employees on these types of skills. In order to be competitive today the ability to continually learn and embrace learning as a strength that will differentiate you from the pack is essential.

“Continuous learning is the minimum requirement for success in any field.”
Denis Waitley

Sometimes the process of learning is as simple as being aware of what learning needs to take place. As an example, one of my challenges is to learn how not to take over meetings. My tendency is to move meetings along at an accelerated pace instead of being patient with those who may need more time to expand their ideas. In order to be conscious of what I am doing, before I go into a meeting I say to myself, “Sean, let the natural process of this meeting take its course. Be patient and encourage others to share their ideas.” I take the time to pause prior to and remind myself during a meeting not to take over.

Following a meeting I evaluate my behavior through reflective and intuitive processing. If I find that I took over the meeting, I examine what caused me to start taking over. Did the meeting require someone to take over? What other options were available to improve the quality of the meeting without me taking over? What can I do differently next time? All of these questions support my ability to learn how not to take over meetings. Over time I will get it and eventually I will be able to knowingly decide if it appropriate to move the meeting forward more rapidly or just let the participants move forward at their own pace.

This kind of learning is very powerful. I may want to learn how to swear less or learn how to be a better presenter. For any of these to take place I will need to make the commitment to do it and set the intention in motion. True learning takes practice and patience. It also takes help from others who are smarter about what we want to learn than we are.

We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. The challenge is to discover what we know and in what areas we need the support of others in order to improve. Everything I have achieved to date has taken the support of people much smarter than myself. Knowing my weaknesses and allowing others to fill the void has given my intentions to learn great power. For example, I am not the best at money management. My brain just does not think like that. This is ok. I have an amazing wife who excels in managing money. In my companies I have always surrounded myself with great CFO’s or money management experts. This has allowed me to focus my energy on what I am good at. I have learned a lot about how to handle issues related to money by working and collaborating with people who have financial expertise, but it will never be one of my great strengths.

Learning is a never-ending process. Each and everyone one of us has much to learn as we go through life. The choice of whether to set your intention on life long learning or following the empty path of believing that you know everything there is to know will set the stage for how much you achieve and accomplish in your life.

“Commit yourself to life long learning. The most valuable asset you will ever have is your mind and what you put into it.” Brian Tracy

What are you filling your mind with?

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean,
The sun is out on the lake, the weather is spectacular, and I’m ready to have friends over on the weekends for boating and dinner parties. My wife on the other hand would much rather spend time gardening and doing projects around the house. How can we reach a compromise that will satisfy us both?
Ready to Party in Zena

Dear Ready to Party,
Balancing relationship needs and desires can be a challenge. Why not give it away to get it back? Without saying a word about wanting to raft out on the boat with friends let your wife know you would like to help her with the gardening. Ask her what her gardening visions are. Walk through the garden with her and let her share her handy work making sure to ask questions along with the way. Take the time to spend quality time on your wife’s passions and next thing you know she will be doing the same with you. What is more you both will be enjoying your time together. The key is not to do it just once. Keep on spending the quality time together on each others passions and watch your relationship blossom.
Keep on keeping on,
Sean

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create yourself.