What Box?^®

It seems like our lives are being planned today more than ever before, over-planned in many cases. From the master planned communities that many of us live in to the master planned schedules we keep for ourselves and our family. We seem to be in a place where if everything is not planned, perfectly, then we have a sense of being lost, without purpose, without direction.

What has happened to our sense of adventure and exploration?

I know in my life these days almost every minute of my time is pre-scheduled and, if you can believe this one, over two years out in some cases. This is kind of nuts. Even when I have a meeting cancelled or there is a shift in my schedule there is yet another activity ready to fill the opening. Because of my heavy schedule I even have to schedule more to fit in the activities of my life. When I am hanging out at Grand Lake I have to “master plan” my time to raft out, have dinner guests, host visitors from out of town, dismantle a barn or whatever it might be.

So what is the big deal?

When our lives become so planned, so scheduled, and so systematic we lose our ability to identify and explore new opportunities. We actually become blinded to potential opportunities that pass right in front of us. Our overly planned lives do not allow for unexpected opportunities to enter our consciousness because they do not fit into our plans. What a shame.

How many opportunities are passing you by because of your pre-planned life?

Now this may sound strange but being prepared for the unexpected is one of the best ways to capitalize and to become open to new opportunities. As an example, when I first started dating Kristen, my wife, she asked me if I had a passport. I responded with, “No I don’t. Why?” She suggested that, “It is a good thing to have one, as you never know when you might need to travel out of the country.” Up to that point my only out of the country travels had been to Canada and Mexico and all you needed was a birth certificate to travel over the border at that time.

With reluctance and the investment of much time I filled out all the paperwork and required documentation to secure a passport. What I did not realize, and what Kristen knew, is that I was preparing for the unexpected. Within two months I was called to Bologna Italy to meet with the Lamborghini family to explore the creation of a Lamborghini Website. Without a passport in hand I would have had to postpone my trip to go through the process of securing a passport which can take a few months to receive. My unexpected trip overseas resulted in securing a contract with the Lamborghini’s and my company building a Website for an Italian automotive legend. How perfect.

How are you prepared for the unexpected?

Another great way to open up to new opportunities and the unexpected is to travel without reservations or any plans. On more than one occasion I have traveled to places like Isla Mujeres, Mexico without anything but a bag and sense of adventure. This little island is about half a mile wide and two miles long and every inch of it is an adventurers paradise. When you plan every minute of your trip or head straight to the nearest all-inclusive resort you settle and compromise your ability to uncover new opportunities and learn about yourself. You would not be able to explore a variety of accommodations and learn from the locals the cultural uniqueness that makes the place that you are visiting so special. The trips that I have taken in which I have embraced the unexpected have allowed me to make new friends some whom have lasted a lifetime. I found local joints that would have been missed otherwise, and met artists whose art I would never been able acquire and continue to enjoy.

“Life is always walking up to us and saying, ‘Come on in, the living’s fine,’ and what do we do? Back off and take its picture.” Russell Baker

The unexpected created from unplanned activities supports greater creative thinking and increases your confidence empowering you to believe that you can do anything you set your mind to.

How are you living a life unexpected?

The next time you plan a vacation seriously consider going to the airport with just a bag and sense of adventure. The opportunities and your new found confidence will last a lifetime.

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean,
My in-laws are planning a visit and they are staying for almost two weeks. I need to create some “quiet time” for me and my husband. What do you suggest?
Looking for Balance in Bixby

Dear Looking for Balance,
Family visits can be quite a challenge, especially long ones. Here is what I like to do. If your in-laws have not rented a car let them borrows yours. Identify and suggest places for them to visit over a two to three day period. Eureka Springs, Branson, Grand Lake, are excellent choices. They get to explore the region and you and your husband get the “quite time” you need. Other choices include sending in-laws off on day trips. The key is to communicate your need for space and that you want to them to have a good time without being held back by your needs. Give them the keys to the car and take the time for yourself. Let me know how it goes.
Keep On Keeping On,
Sean

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create yourself.

Have you ever noticed that when you try not to become something you don’t want to be the more you become that very thing? Or that the more you focus energy on what you fear the quicker that fear becomes reality? All of this has to do with resisting the way things are. When we are unaware of the flow of life we fight it and attempt to change a situation to suit our particular needs, fears, or desires. The world would be quite a different place if we all would learn how to let life just happen.

Going with the flow means accepting what is and not necessarily what it is you desire. We all fear losing control and yet overcoming our fear of losing control supports our ability to go with the flow. All of us are happy when things go well, but when things aren’t going “my” way or the way “I” want we get upset and then attract more of the same. This is how the flow of life works. We can’t control everything, even if we would like to think we can, which causes us to resist what is and to go against the flow of life. What we can do is to respond to what is and come up with creative solutions to adapt to a situation or to change it, enabling us to go with the flow of life.

Are you going with or against the flow of life?

One reason we kick ourselves out of the flow is because we are attached to outcomes. Here is where resistance comes in. We set our expectations in such a way that we become attached that a certain outcome will turn out the way we envisioned it. When the outcome does not go the way we expect we tend to go against the flow and create negativity in our lives. It is important to visualize positive outcomes in life. The key is to visualize these outcomes for the highest good of yourself and others. Then here is the challenging part. Once we have our outcome visualized we need to detach from it. No small task that is for sure. That doesn’t mean that we need to give up. It means we need to take creative initiative to respond to the situation in a different way.

Do you trust the life process?

I can remember a time back in 1997 when I was running StudioFX, an up and coming Internet company in Silicon Valley. Like many start up companies we had our fair share of cash flow problems and funding issues. It was during one of these down cycles that money became tight. We had successfully secured exclusive Internet broadcast and ecommerce rights to a number of classic television shows including the Underdog Show and the Lone Ranger. The Underdog show and Lone Ranger were with Golden Books Entertainment and we were obligated to pay licensing fees for the rights. As timing would have it our fees became due during this monetary down cycle.

My first thought was, “How am I going to keep these agreements if I can’t pay for them?” Funding in the pipeline was partially attached to these contracts and others being negotiated. If we lost these deals things could be a challenge going forward. I was losing control and had to do something, even if I did nothing that was something. It would have been easy to stick my head in the sand and do nothing and wonder when I would get the call that our contract was up. I could have given up. Instead, I took creative initiative to respond to the situation in a different way. I took a risk and called Golden Books to discuss our money challenges and that payment was going to be a little late. To my surprise they were more than willing to extend the time for payment on my licensing fees. All my fears and projections of having to control the situation were not accurate at all. To this day whenever I am in need of being reminded of the power of being in the flow I just think of Underdog.

What examples do you have of being in the flow?

The reality is that we are already in the flow of life. The question is are we going to resist and object to what life presents us or are we going to take creative initiative to respond to what is? Life has its cycles that at times are up and others are down. When you become aware of the flow of life and embrace the power of letting go of control and fear you align with the currents and flow of life. You receive what you need, rather than what you want. The interesting part of going with the flow is that over time these two dynamics have a strong magnetic attraction to each other and at some point unite.

The fact is that this kind of life awareness is not easy. I have to work on it everyday, every hour and every minute. Sometimes I fail miserably. Sometimes I am in the flow so much that every event of the day plays out with ease and grace. I continually have to remind myself to focus on creating each day for a higher good, to let go and surrender from being tied to specific outcomes. I figure it will take the rest of my life to get this one down.

With practice you can learn to go with the flow as well.

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean,
Where can we even begin to make the changes needed in the many problems that we face today as a community, a state, a nation and the world? Taking in the news on a daily basis gives little or no hope for a promising future.
Very concerned in Grove

Dear Very Concerned,
The best and most effective place for making positive change is within yourself and your immediate surroundings. Affect positive change takes time and patience. I like to call it “one star fish at a time.” Pick up litter when you see it, mentor a youngster, get involved in your community. If everyone just does a little bit each and everyday it will add up to a big difference over time.
Keep on keeping on,
Sean

Remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create yourself.

Yes, our world is changing yet how many of us are aware of the rapid shifts taking place that are affecting our lives? More and more of us are living in a bubble, a bubble that prevents us from seeing what is really going on.

Many of us are so caught up in our own lives that we are blinded by the realities of what is taking place outside our daily activities. We get so focused on ourselves that we lose sight of the bigger picture. Because of this self-centered focus many of us are unable to see the changes going on outside ourselves, changes that can have direct or indirect influence on our lives.

The world is changing do you see it?

Children who are twelve are acting and living like they are fifteen or sixteen years old. Senior citizens in their seventies are living and acting like they are twenty one again. China is building the world’s largest dam which, when completed some time this year, will capture so much water it will slightly shift the rotation of our planet. Silicon Valley, the technology capital of the world just six years ago, is now ranked number seven. Singapore, Beijing, Ireland, and India have catapulted themselves to the top and others are catching up quickly. Knowledge workers are now looking outside of the United States of America for competitive jobs.

The world is changing do you see it?

I am writing this week’s What Box? from Vancouver, B.C., a city that just 10 years ago was on the brink of being left behind in the global marketplace. Today, Vancouver is known as the most beautiful city in the world and has captured the number one spot in terms of growth and quality of life. City leaders and private citizens knew that they had to make changes if they were going to survive the accelerated shifts of our world. They focused on creating an international sense of place based upon art, creativity, and diversity. Vancouver may not be for everyone but it is going to be around for a long time to come. The civic leaders saw the changes of the world and worked to be a part of that change.

As I work with Oklahoma leaders to identify ways to make Oklahoma, Tulsa, Oklahoma City, Grand Lake, Enid, and even Zena become globally competitive, it becomes clear that we all have to take the bold step to think different about how we go about living our lives. This means thinking beyond next year, beyond our own backyard, beyond our borders and beyond what is. It is a fact that nothing stays the same and if we are going to be a relevant as a community we need to collectively wake up to our changing world and figure out how we can be a part of these changes.

Our world is changing do you see it?

So what if we don’t do anything and let our complacency run its course? Here is what happens. We wake up one day, not tomorrow, not even next year, but very soon and start to feel the impact of these changing tides on our infrastructure, lifestyle, health, and income. For so many years the United States has been promoting an open market system, democracy, and privatization of business. Guess what? The world has woken up and has embraced our way of thinking. The difference is these international countries are starting from scratch, have the fire in the belly to create what we have created, and a new-found excitement of what can be. That anything is possible. They literally are running like the wind to catch up and at an ever-increasing pace. This is great!

We should be very proud of our influence on the world. Our challenge is not to forget how we got to where we are and remember that to be relevant we must continually reinvent ourselves. We cannot live life in a bubble thinking that we can remain the same or that it is worse somewhere else. We have it pretty good. We must embrace the power of risk-taking, bold ideas, and that we can do anything when we work together.

The world is changing do you see it?

The choice is yours and the future is ours. If we remain the same we rust and decay. When we take on fresh new thinking we grow and the opportunities to prosper increase. When we think outside-the-box and look beyond what we know learning takes place and we increase our chances of being relevant players in our increasingly changing world.

Let me know what you think

Dear Sean,
I am a very structured person and tend to like “routine”. My husband is a pretty spontaneous person and I want to be able to be spontaneous too, but I don’t know where to start. Any ideas?
Stuck in the Mud in Nowata

Dear Stuck in the Mud,
Routine and structure can be a good thing, but a bit of spontaneity is very important. Take small steps in becoming more flexible and spontaneous. First – plan your spontaneity. I know this sounds funny, but set aside an hour a week to do something out of the ordinary. As your comfort level increases you will find yourself looking for other opportunities for spontaneous expression. Think of it as structured spontaneity over time the real kind will grow.
Keep on keeping on,
Sean

Remember that the only boxes that exist are the ones you create yourself.