What Box?^®

I can still remember my mother sitting me down one day and in a very serious moment saying, “Sean how come it is every time I tell you not to do something you go and find a totally different way to do the same thing? What am I going to do with you?”

Now, I am not proposing that you go and change your middle name to “trouble.” What I am proposing is that reclaiming your childhood vision is one of the best ways to start breaking out-of-the-box. In so many cases we have forgotten how to play, imagine, and, even worse we have forgotten how to be ourselves.

In 1968 a scientist named, George Land gave 1,600 5-year-olds a creativity test used by NASA to select innovative engineers and scientists. Ninety-eight percent of the children scored “highly creative.” Land retested the children five years later. Only 30% of the 10 year-olds scored in this category. By 15-years-old, just 12% of the adolescents tested “highly creative.” And when Land gave the test over a period of years to 280,000 adults, he found that only 2% fell into the “highly creative” category. “What we have concluded,” wrote Land, “is that noncreative behavior is learned.”

Wow!

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”
Pablo Picasso

Why is it that we tend to lock ourselves into paradigms, ways of thinking, that prevent us from thinking outside the box? Anyone who spends any quality time with children has at one time or another witnessed their natural ability to see the extraordinary in the ordinary. Their imagination is in all its glory, where anything is possible and play is their great passion. Children see the world differently because they have not been influenced by the outside constraints of our increasingly complex society.

Daily routines, predictability, television, boredom, and mental plaque only support constricting our creative and innovative abilities.

As adults, thinking with childlike vision is hard work and takes courage. In many cases it means you may have to sacrifice long held beliefs, paradigms, to gain new perspective. Not sure if you believe, check out these classic examples from history. In 1899, the U.S. Patent Office Director announced that “Everything that can be invented has been invented.” Then he requested that the patent office be shut down. Just twenty-eight years later, Harry Warner, president of Warner Brothers, asked, “Who wants to hear actors talk?”

Children are not afraid to try new things and fail because they believe anything is possible. They learn very quickly from their failures and apply those lessons to their next experiment. Failure can be one the most effective ways to break out-of-the-box. When we are not failing we are not stretching ourselves and only continue the patterns of doing the same drab thing we have been doing all along. When you fail and learn from those failures you grow and so does your creative abilities.

“Success and failure. We think of them as opposites, but they’re really not. They’re companions – the hero and the sidekick.”
Laurence Shames

Like a wise sage that cannot be understood or solved through traditional thinking, we have to ask ourselves puzzling questions to break out-of-the-box. How can I think more childlike once again? How can I add play to my life? How can I break free of the constraints of society? How can I learn to embrace failure and change?

Our children have the answers.

When you get back in the sandbox you do too.

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean,
I realized after reading your article the other week “Not Settling” that I have settled for things in my life in order to keep peace in the family. How can I stand up for what I know is best and avoid the conflicts that are sure to arise?
Not Rocking the Boat

Dear Not Rocking the Boat,
In many cases when you are doing the right thing conflict is a natural outcome. This is because you are promoting change and “rocking the boat,” so to speak. One of the key’s to a positive outcome is to be sure and make “I” statements staying away from “You” statements. “I have been feeling very concerned by . . .” or “It is not ok with me that this is happening” are good examples of I statements. It is then also good to have suggestions and solutions ready to share. Have your family agree on a specific time to meet on the subject you to want to discuss. It is also a good idea to prepare a printed piece of paper with your ideas and solutions ready to present. This shows you have put much thought into whatever it is you are promoting for the growth of your family and highlights your seriousness. This kind of thing can take time. Stay strong, persistent, and don’t give up always looking for new approaches to share your insights. In the end the change you desire may not come from you family, but instead from inside of you. You can do it!
Keep on keeping on,
Sean

Remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create yourself.

Fear is one of those things that we all have in common. At one point or another we have all been fearful of something, first days at school, starting a new job, change, walks in the woods at night, not being liked, big corporations, small towns, water, heights, change of any kind, and the list goes on and on. In all actuality fear is a very natural built-in instinct that served as a survival mechanism when we were hunter/gatherers, living from the earth having to fending off who knows what dangers that existed. The environment in which we live has changed a lot for us since those early days. Fear is one thing that has not changed.

Today our fears tend to prevent us from reaching our full potential by causing us to react in ways that, in most cases, does not serve us well. Fear suppresses our inner abilities leading us to continue to avoid taking risks in life. Let’s face it, living life is a risky business. If we spent half as much time learning how to take risks as we spend avoiding them, we would eliminate many of the fears that we have in our lives.

The things we fear most in life – change, fluctuations, disturbances, imbalances, and the unknown – are some of the primary sources for us to discover and unleash our creativity. The challenge is for us to acknowledge our fears and learn to use them to our advantage.

We see it every day. Opportunities for people to step-up take a risk and reach for something greater than what was only to be overcome by fear, and as a result sink back into their old patterns. The more you continue to repeat the same patterns the deeper those patterns become and the harder it is to change them. It’s not easy that is for sure. Fear is a powerful force in our lives. Fear has the power to control you, if you let it.

There are ways to break out. Instead of letting your fears control you, turn it around by embracing, learning and growing from your fears. One of the first steps you can take in overcoming your fears is to face them head on. Over the years I have written many a page on my fears, and this is quite possibly the best first step you can take as well. Go ahead and think about what it is you fear and write it down. The pages are for you eyes only. If you are afraid to write down your fears don’t worry. Remember you are taking the first step in overcoming them.

Perhaps Franklin D. Roosevelt said it best, “Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

In all reality letting go of your fears is a lifetime project, a project that is a key for you to reach your full potential and to create what you want from life. Being afraid to start something new is very natural and does not mean that you should feel as if there is something wrong with you. When Kristen and I decided we wanted to move to Grand Lake after spending only five day here on vacation we thought, “What are we doing?” We knew we would be selling everything back home in California, packing up our belongings leaving behind the life we knew to take on a new life. Boy we were scared. What would we do? How would our lives change? How would we be received by our community? Would it be as wonderful living here as we remembered it when we were just visitors?

Our leap of faith has served to only strengthen our conviction that we have nothing to lose by stepping into the unknown and reaching for the stars. The decision to move to Grand Lake has proven to be the second best decision I have ever made, the first being to marry Kristen. It is hard to imagine, but what if I had let my fears of moving to a small town on Grand Lake in Oklahoma hold me back? Would I be writing What Box? Would Kristen and I have been able to create the positive impact we have for the community? Would we have discovered that California is not the only happenin’ place on the planet? I doubt it. Whenever I am fearful or scared of something, I just have to remember Grand Lake and then I know that it is all going to be just fine allowing me to unlock the courage to face my current fear.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but instead the mastery of it.”
Mark Twain

Take a long hard look at the list of fears you have written down. Think about what it is that you need to understand about your fears that will support you to overcome them. Ask yourself questions such as, “Why is this a fear? How can I face this fear? What is the worst thing that can happen to me if I face this fear? Where does this fear come from? How do I change the way I think about my fears?” Trust your first instinct answers. You know the ones that come to you in the blink of an eye. Write them down as fast as they come to you or whenever they come to you. Noodle these thoughts around because they will help you to understand and overcome your fears.

In most cases we are fearful because we don’t understand something, whatever it is. The more we understand our fears and the root of why we fear what we fear the more chance we have to overcome these fears.

You can do it! It is never too late to start letting go of your fears allowing the person you truly are to shine like the brightest star.

Let me know what you think.

the only boxes that exist are the ones you create yourself.

I am constantly amazed at how many people continually settle for what is instead of what can be. It actually boggles my mind at times. Just yesterday at a meeting, when talking about a Civic Engagement endeavor, someone said, “Sean, what you are looking for is a Cadillac and a Chevy will do.” No criticism to Chevy owners, I’ve got one. My response was, “a Cadillac would be nice, but what I am looking for is a Rolls Royce or Ferrari. And we can do it!”

Unfortunately, we see people settling more and more and it seems to be contagious resulting in settling on top of settling. The time is now folks! Let’s change the tide, turn the ship around, and carve a new path, a path where we are willing to compromise and at the same time unwilling to settle for anything less than the best that possibly can be. Our community, our state, our country and the world all depend on our ability to go for the best that can be and not to settle for anything less.

“Excellence can only be attained when you care more than others think is wise. When you are willing to risk more than others think is safe. When you dream more than others think is practical. And when you expect more than others think is possible.”
Author Unknown

Here is the challenge. When you settle for something less than what is possible the result is less than what you really desire. Settling can even have negative impacts that are totally unexpected. When you don’t settle you come closer to setting yourself up for success instead of failure. If you do fail, and we all do, take notes, think about what you learned, stand back up, dust yourself off and get back on that horse.

When you think about it for just a minute, why would anyone be willing to settle for less than what can be? Is it because the goal is too much work? Is it because they really don’t care? Is it because they would have to step up and put their ideals on the line? Is it because they might look bad in the public eye? Is it because they are empty inside? What is it?

Nothing of great historical importance has come from anyone who has settled. If ever there was a time in history to not to settle for anything but the best for all people, it is now.

America would not be an example of what is possible if our founding fathers had settled for the status quo of English rule. NASA would not have gotten the space shuttle back to earth if they had settled and left the small pieces of mesh hanging from the under belly of the space ship. My mother would never have been able to have this non-traditional person educated if she had settled for me getting educated in the traditional school system. None of these people settled and it is my sincere hope that you won’t either.

So what can you do to increase your ability not to settle in a time of so much settling?

I have written and said it so many times before, “anything is possible, and when we believe it and live it, this thinking will manifest itself in everything that we do.” Ask questions like, “Why? How can we do better? Is there another way?” Keep asking questions until people begin to think differently. Offer up solutions, think-out-of-the-box. Never ever give up. Stay flexible and at the same time remain on task. Show what is possible by taking on the challenge. Take a risk. The biggest risk in accomplishing what you want in life is to not take a risk at all.

“not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you have tried and failed in, but for what is still possible for you to do.”
Pope John XXIII

Let me know what you think.

Special Invitation,
On Saturday August 20th Downtown Grove will be holding their monthly Art Walk and yours truly will be the featured artist at Brown & Brown. Many talented artists from the Grand Lake area will be showing wonderful pieces of art that would look fantastic in any of the homes around Grand Lake and surrounding areas. The Art Walk starts at 6pm. You will find me hanging out at any number of the art galleries that line the street of Downtown Grove. See you at the Art Walk.

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create yourself.

Inside of you is the ability to do and accomplish the most remarkable things. Anything. Everyone, no matter if it is Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, George W. Bush, or The Grand Lake Bum, are just like us. They too have to put their pants on one leg at a time.

Some people may have more resources, some may have less, some may have none. Nothing changes the truth that we all have the capacity to achieve great things if we desire and are willing to work hard enough to make our dreams come true. You can do and create anything you can image if you put your mind to it and believe in yourself.

“People become quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves, they have the first secret of success.” Norman Vincent Peale

What is it that holds many of us back from doing and achieving the things we want in life? Is it because we are scared to fail? Is it because the goal is perceived to be too much work? Is it because we don’t believe we can do it? Or perhaps we are scared of success?

This can be on of the trickiest parts of life’s success. When we are young we are all told “NO” a lot, “You can’t do that,” or the ever-popular “It will never work.” This kind of messaging is pounded into our brains so much that many of us start believing in our heart of hearts that we can’t do what we know we CAN do. As adults we perpetuate this undermining messaging, telling others that they can’t do something, all because of our programming as children. Following this negative and unproductive line of reasoning for yourself will only result in achieving far fewer meaningful accomplishments in your life than if you choose to live a life of “I CAN do anything!”

“Life begins as a quest of the child for the man and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.” Lauren van der Post

Believe in yourself and you will be unstoppable!

The challenge is to find the courage to not be influenced by the nay-sayer’s and believe deep down inside that you can accomplish anything no matter what people might say.

What if the Wright Brothers had listened to all the people who said, “You’ll never be able to fly.” Instead, they chose to believe they could. When you are able to believe that you can do anything, it does not mean that your life will result in instant accomplishments. Success comes in small steps, in small accomplishments that eventually add up to big accomplishments, big successes. It is said that every overnight success takes 20 years. The Wright Brothers had to work very hard and experiment many, many times along the journey to human flight. They never ever gave up and continued believing they could and would fly. Just like the Wright Brothers you have everything you need inside of you to reach your dreams. It is never too late to start.

Robert H. Schuller said, “Every achiever that I have ever met says, my life turned around when I began to believe in me.”

In so many cases people believe that they will not succeed even before they start something. What a travesty. Instead, create a mindset of expecting success even before you start. All achievers, no matter what their game, start with the expectations that they are going to succeed. Achievers say, “want to do this and that I CAN do this,” not “I would like to do this, but I don’t think I can”

What do you think about yourself and your abilities?

Say you CAN and you WILL. Say you CAN’T and you WON’T. This is a universal truth we can’t hide from.

Try this. Next week become a Possibilitarian and say YES to those things that the week before you said NO to. Say “I CAN do this,” “We CAN do this” and see what happens.

You CAN and WILL do what you think you CAN.

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean,
Last week you shared some of your experiences of celebrating life. Great ideas! A good friend of mine is dying and doesn’t want to talk about it. I would really like to celebrate her life with her before she dies. How can I approach her?
Wondering

Dear Wondering,
Pictures, images and stories are one of the best ways to celebrate ones life. Perhaps you could put a photo album together of pictures you have collected over the years. Create an order that tells a story and allows your friend to fill in the blanks. Sit down with her one day and share with her what you have created expressing to her how much your life experiences together mean to you. These photographic memories wills spark greater memories and will open the door to celebrating life together. Have fun with it letting the sharing unfold naturally. Let me know how the celebration goes.
All my best,
Sean

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create yourself.

Sometimes people come into our lives for a limited time that create a life-time of impact. In many cases we don’t always take the time to register the influence people are really having on us. Most of the time we don’t think about the role people have played in our lives until they are no longer with us. Lessons we would not have learned otherwise.

Why is that we seem to wait until death to celebrate one’s life and the lessons taught?

Examples are all around us. John Lennon’s efforts towards peace and harmony were not fully appreciated until his death. Princess Diana was taken for granted until her untimely death moved the world. Ronald Reagan’s funeral, where thousand showed up to pay their respects, showcased how much he impacted and influenced our lives.

Just the other day an associate of mine at SpiritBank had a violent crash while streetluge racing down a step hill in Tulsa. One day we were working and interacting together and the next day she is in the hospital on life support with broken back bones, a shattered pelvis, lacerated liver, and clinging to life.

We all know that life is short and that each moment is precious, but how often do we really live our life like it is our last day? How are you celebrating your life and that of others around you who influence you in multiple ways each and every day? Think about how your life would be different if they were not a part of your life.

“Some people strengthen the society just by being the kind of people they are.” John W. Gardner

Andy Ross of Grand Lake is a fantastic example of a human being that has influenced many of our lives. As a Rotarian he was a leader in enrolling people to get behind the creation of the Grand Lake Visitor Center. As the President of the Board of the Grand Lake Association he was instrumental in the development and continued growth of the Water Watch program which has highlighted the need for responsible care of our precious resource. As a business leader he showed us how to run a compassionate and profitable business. And as a community leader he inspired us to get more involved and make a positive difference.

I have never known anyone as gracious about death as Andy. He showed me how to live life to its fullest and how to let go when my time comes. I am forever grateful to be able to call Andy and Pat Ross my friends and know that I am not alone in this strong feeling of love and joy. What a gift. His impact on my life and that of the Grand Lake community will continue to be felt even though he is now dancing with the angels.

“When a child is born, all rejoice; when someone dies, all weep. But it makes just as much sense, if not more to rejoice at the end of life as at the beginning. For no one can tell what events await a newborn child, but when a mortal dies he has successfully completed a journey.” Talmud

So how can we show our appreciation for those people who influence our lives while they are still alive and with us?

One of the things I like to do is call people who have impacted my life and share with them how much I appreciate their being such an important part of my life. These calls of appreciation only deepen and enhance my connection with them.

Other ways of showing appreciation and celebrating the impact people have in life is to throw a party, just because. Send a gift, nothing fancy. A handmade card is a great way to get the message across. An email is another simple and easy way to say, “Hey you are important to me and I am grateful for all you do to enrich my life.”

There are a million ways to celebrate life while someone is alive. Get creative, have fun with it and most of all just do it! What are you waiting for?

How are you celebrating your life and that of others?

“To live in society doesn’t mean simply living side by side with others in a more or less close cohesion; it means living through one another and for one another.” Paul-Eugene Roy.

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean,
What do I need to do if I have just discovered that the beat of my drum has changed and is now quite different from that of my spouse?
Concerned

Dear Concerned,
Change is a major part of life. Your life is your life and not that of anyone else. Getting married does not mean that you are to change for your spouse. It is important that you are yourself and that you follow your passion, the beat of your own drum. I would suggest sitting down with your spouse and discussing your new found drum beat and explain your need to be who you really are. Let your spouse know that it is not personal and that you desire their support. Hopefully your partner will embrace your new-found rhythm and will support you in your change. Marriage is a partnership from which to grow and stretch for each other. Stay patient and consistent. In the end you have to march to the beat of your own drummer because if you don’t you will end up hurting yourself and those around you. You can do it, I know you can.
Keep on keeping on,
Sean

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create yourself.