Archive for February, 2005

Thinking Differently

Thursday, February 24th, 2005

General George Patton, said, “If everyone is thinking alike, then someone isn’t thinking.”

Why is it that we are raised to think so much alike?

How can we learn to Think Differently? To think for of ourselves?

Each of us has our own unique gifts and an ability to see the world from our own point of view. These gifts and talents along with an ability to think for ourselves are needed to support the whole, our family, our community, our nation, our world. We all have the potential to offer our thoughts and gifts to influence the well-being of the whole.

We are not asked to give another person’s gifts or insights that we are not easily capable of contributing. We are only asked to give our own gifts and unique perspectives. This we can do. The world needs these from all of us and we need each other. We need to learn how to value our own gifts and each other’s gifts so that we can learn to work together in a complementary and cooperative way for the benefit of our whole living system.

The gifts that each of us has to offer is our ability to see the way things are from our unique perspective. We cannot see the total reality with which we are faced with, but we can definitely see it form our point of view. Our perspective added to that of others contributes to a clear picture. It’s like putting together a puzzle. If a piece is missing, there is no way to really see the whole picture.

How can we learn to be open to different people’s perspectives and see a larger picture?

When we are not thinking for ourselves and sharing our unique gifts we loose our creativity, our ability to innovate and, worse yet, we don’t contribute our piece to the puzzle. When everyone is thinking alike we tend not to question things. We follow like sheep. We succumb to our fears, fabricated or real. A homogenized world is a very boring place in which to live. Maybe this is why depression and other psychiatric disorders are reaching epidemic proportions.

In order to Think Differently and share our gifts we need to let go our fears of the unknown, what people will think. That fear, for many of us, is not receiving the approval of others for what we think and share. We need to believe in something greater than ourselves so that we feel free to express what we are thinking. Thinking Differently means that we will make mistakes as we take risks to search for a greater understanding of what is possible. Thinking Differently means questioning everything and not being afraid to express those questions. Thinking Differently means letting go of judgment and being open to new possibilities, new perspectives, and greater diversity. Thinking Differently is definitely not easy. But it is worth the effort.

What is holding you back from Thinking Differently?

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean
My kids want me to get a pre-nuptial agreement before I re-marry. I think it’s rude to discuss this with my fiance, but I want to appease my kids. What should I do?
Re-Marrying in Tulsa

Dear Re-Marrying,
Donald Trump has advised me to always get a pre-nuptial. Since I was married before I discussed this with The Donald, I missed the opportunity. In all actuality pre-nuptials are becoming more and more accepted. Here is the thing. You have assets you bring to the new marriage and your fiancé has assets he brings as well. Do you want your assets going to his kids if you die before he does? People do not always do the right thing. It is important to take care of your assets because you are taking care of your kids. You have given so much to acquire your keepsakes and wealth it is important to protect them from unexpected events, even if you don’t believe that anything bad will happen. I don’t always take The Donald’s advice on personal relationships, but in this situation I think your kids and The Donald are making a smart and reasonable request. Sit down with your fiance and let him know how uncomfortable you are discussing the issue of a pre-nuptial with him; and also how important it is to you to take care of children even when you are dancing with angels. You can do it.
Keep On Keeping On,
Sean

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create.

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Playing The Game

Wednesday, February 16th, 2005

As children growing up, we all learn how to play with one another through games, all kinds of games. I can remember playing flashlight tag with the other kids in my cul-de-sac. Monopoly was the most popular game with my family on rainy days. Candy Land was another favorite and then there was The Game of Life. I can hear the wheel in the middle of game board spinning right now. Where it lands nobody knows. Growing the biggest family, securing the best career, buying the house on the hill, all while avoiding the pit falls of playing The Game of Life.

If only playing the real game of life was as easy as the board game. How do you play the game of life?

Growing up I was never taught how to play the game of life. In fact, I have rebelled against buying into this game and instead created my own rules. I have experienced this game as unhealthy and full of low integrity people serving themselves before others. By creating my own game on the sidelines of the larger game, a kind of ghost in the machine, I have been able to excel with an “out-of-the-box” way of life that has served me well. At least, that is what I have thought. I have been proud to be an example of someone who has not played the game and been able to succeed in life against all odds.

Looking back on my childhood I can see that everything I needed to learn about playing the game could have been learned from my time in the sandbox. We had to share the toys that were available to us. Collaboration was necessary for those in the sandbox to get along and create something. When a bully would take a toy or your sandwich you had to decide to fight or flee. The interactions that took place in the sandbox are a great place to reflect upon how to play the game. What happens between childhood and adulthood that we loose these lessons?

As I have become more motivated and focused on sharing the power of What Box? and have been consciously living it, it has become clear that I not only have to start playing the game but embracing playing the game. This is a major challenge. How does one step into the box, yet remain out-of-the-box and keep their sanity? Sounds like one of those wise sage questions that has no answer doesn’t it?

How odd, that to support people, organizations, communities and corporations to think more out-of-the-box you have to step into the box and play the game. This is the way it is and to create a meaningful impact in people’s lives it is critical to become a champ at playing the game. I have been in awe and at the same time in contempt of people who can play the game with great ease.

How can we learn to play the game even better and still remain unique?

I don’t even know how to fully enter the game. Is there a starting point? Did I miss it and now am I in the middle somewhere on the game board? How do I catch up? What are the rules and who created them? Is there more than one game? Is there a get out of jail free card? Do I get to pass Go and collect $200?

I believe the challenge is to stay conscious of the fact that we are all playing a game, while staying true to our values and mission in life. It’s kind of like standing next to yourself, watching and reminding yourself not to take it too seriously and have fun while playing. Aren’t games supposed to be fun?

Like so many things in life and written in What Box? it takes tremendous practice to achieve the desired results. I have a feeling this one is going to take the rest of my life to figure out. I guess we all have to figure it out for ourselves.

Playing the game is part of life. We can embrace it or repel it. Which will you choose?

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean
My wife is working for a non-profit organization and is putting in a lot of hours for little pay. She has become agitated at home and is yelling at the kids. I want her to quit, but she says she wants to make a difference. What should I do?
Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,
I have a wee bit of experience with this situation and have been frustrated as well. Here’s the thing. The more frustrated I got, the more I expressed my frustration and the more agitated my wife got. What I have learned is that everyone has their own path and that you can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do. Sometimes it takes an individual to reach their own threshold of pain before they make a change. I would turn things around and support your wife in her efforts to make a difference. Time will work things out.
Keep the Faith,
Sean

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create.

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What’s Your Groove?

Wednesday, February 9th, 2005

Just like the vinyl LP’s of yesterday the more you repeat the same patterns in life, the deeper the grooves of repetition become. We all fall prey to our daily routines and patterns. Some of them are beneficial and support our greater success and others only work to prevent us from reaching our goals and objectives.

What grooves in your life would you like to keep and which do you want to change?

Like river water running over and smoothing the cracks in rocks and boulders it takes a lot of time and patience to smooth out our grooves. The longer the patterns have been played out the deeper the grooves, and the longer it takes to smooth them out so you don’t play those grooves anymore.

It takes an awareness of our patterns to understand which grooves are good for us and which ones are not. Wearing down your undesirable grooves is not an easy task. In the end, the time and energy it takes to change and smooth the grooves is well worth effort.

One of my deepest grooves in life has been my inability to face people and situations that have the potential to create confrontation. Throughout my life, the groove of avoiding confrontation had grown deep. Very deep. I had become so good at avoiding confrontation that I rarely had a problem with people or situations, at least on the outside. My insides were turning and churning and only those very close to me knew the pain and frustration I was enduring.

It was during my days as CEO of StudioFX that I was forced to face the fact that avoiding these potential confrontations, imagined or real, were not serving my company or me well. I had to do something to start smoothing out my groove of avoidance.

The question was, “How could I smooth out my groove of avoiding confrontation?”

I had a take a risk and confront the fears that were holding me back. I was scared. What would Golden Books Entertainment do when I let them know I would not be able to pay them any more money for the rights to the Underdog Show? How would CBS react when I let them know we had to have exclusive rights to the I Love Lucy Show or else we had no deal? I got way too tied up in what would happen rather than of focusing on what was happening.

In the end I found the courage to confront the situation and make my stand. StudioFX was able to secure the deals and the rest is history, as they say. The end result was that my insides stopped churning and burning. I found that the people I had been afraid to confront were much more receptive to my up front nature. It became easier and easier to face my issue of avoidance and smooth the groove so that it played less and less frequently. I continue to fall into my confrontation groove at times, only now the groove is so smooth that I am able to catch myself before I “skip” back into the groove.

We all have to pick and choose the grooves we want to change, the grooves that keep us from reaching our goals and objectives. What grooves do you have in your life that are holding you back?

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean
After reading your article on Checking Out I realize that my 16 year old daughter is in the habit of checking out everyday after school to avoid doing her homework. How can I help her to see and understand what she is doing?
In Need of Advice

Dear In Need of Advice
Being one that never really liked to do homework myself, I am not sure if I am the one to help you here. Maybe she is not being motivated by the curriculum or her teachers. When the subject matter motivates someone, they tend to want to learn more and study. Perhaps your daughter is not being challenged by her classes. I would work to discover what it is that excites and motivates her to learn and study. I would then help her to focus her energies in that direction. In my column One Star Fish at a Time I discussed this exact issue in my life. You can read it at www.whatbox.info. Let me know if this helps.
Keep on keeping on,
Sean

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create.

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Checking Out

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005

Let’s face it. Everyone checks out from the stresses of life in one way or another.

How do you check out?

Some people check out by taking their boats out on the lake. Others check out by hitting the local bars and drinking away their stresses. A growing number check out by sitting in front of their television or playing video games for hours and hours. Everyone has his or her own unique way of avoiding reality.

So, why do we have such an urge to check out?

Perhaps it is because of our hectic 21st century lifestyle. We have become overloaded by the challenges to keep up and stay competitive in the game. This can create frustration in our lives and affect every aspect of daily activities. In some cases the challenge of our relationships can compound our desire to check out. When you add work environments that expect more accomplishments with less time and resources life can start getting even more insane.

When we check out are we attempting to avoid something? How can we take responsibility for our actions and frustrations? When we check out are we avoiding taking responsibility for a situation we find ourselves in? Whatever is happening in our lives is a direct result of our actions or inactions and only we are responsible for this.

Here is the thing. The more you check out, the more you check out. It is just easier to check out than it is to check in.

You know what? Right now I don’t really want to write this week’s What Box? I would rather check out, not do it and have some ice-cold beer. To be quite frank with you, many times it is a pain in my behind to come up with this stuff and meet the deadlines and demands of the publisher. Nothing personal, Brian.

The truth is that I really enjoy writing this column because it stretches me and aligns with my vision, mission and goals. What I really need is to take some time for myself, reflect and let inspiration take hold. This process is quite different from checking out because checking out is resisting, where reflection is about embracing what is really needed and taking responsibility. I choose to check in.

In fact, the world would be a much better place if we all checked back in. When we check in we start to face the realities of our situations and identify solutions. We see with greater clarity and gain new insights. This process empowers us to overcome adversity and create greater possibilities in our lives. I am not saying this is easy. Remember it is easier to check out. When you face your fears and challenges head on by checking in, anything becomes possible.

The time is now to check into the hotel of life.

How long ’til you check back in?

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean,
My husband and I read your article last week on Inventing the Future. He is all about getting the latest technological stuff available. I have been quite happy with my old fashioned typewriter, but can see that I am way behind in my ability to “keep up.” Change is very hard for me. What steps can I take to move into our “modern” world?
Feeling Obsolete

Dear Feeling Obsolete,
I can totally relate to this one. I have been somewhat of a dinosaur myself when it comes to adopting technology. All my thinking and writing has been done the old fashioned way, with a pencil or pen. I was a technophobe and avoided technology as best I could, leaving it up to the more technologically savvy folks like your husband. Once I let go of my fears about technology I was able to embrace its power and ability to make my life more productive and efficient. Here is what I would suggest for you. Sit down you’re your husband and let him know you want to learn how to use one of his technological gadgets. Practice with it for a week and be patient. Emailing to family and friends is a great way to gain increased comfort with the potential of technology. I bet once you start emailing you will never go back to your old typewriter. Send me an email and let me know how it is going.
Keep on keeping on,
Sean

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create for yourself.

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