What Box?^®

How many of us are looking for more meaning and purpose in our lives?

How many of us are just going through the motions in our daily lives?

How many of us are willing to go through the journey to discover our greater purpose?

We are on the brink of a new year, and NOW is the perfect time to start the process of kicking butt with your life!

You can begin by thinking about the kind of future you want to create for yourself. I truly believe you can create, in your life, whatever it is you desire the most. Thinking and visualizing positive thoughts about whatever it is you most desire will, in time, create that which you think about and focus energy on.

Ringing in the New Year is an extremely powerful time for people all over the world. In my life, it is the time of year where Kristen, my wife, and I take the time to review our successes and failures, taking in the lessons learned and then apply them to our updated life design.

I started the process of brainstorming and visualizing personal goals and objectives on large pieces of paper sometime in the early 90′s. Developing a collection of the visual history of my life has become an important tool to support a greater understanding of how my time and energy is focused. Focusing my time more effectively is one of my greatest challenges and one I am constantly working on. Envisioning the future and setting goals for yourself is a fantastic way to create your life, your way.

Here is how it works:

Either by yourself or with your significant other/friend, find a couple of big pieces of paper – a paper grocery bag can work well. You may want to tape some paper together to make the surface bigger. Kristen and I use a 4′ x 14′ piece of paper when we go through this process.

o In the center of the paper write/draw “Creating My Life, My Way, Today!” If you are working with another person, have them do the same on a separate piece of paper.

o Randomly write/draw words that categorize your life activities and actions. Make sure to allow plenty of space so you can add additional details around each of your categories. Here are some examples of categories that I like to use:

o Family/Friends
o Career/Business
o Health/Physical
o Finance
o Home Environment
o Community
o Fun/Recreation
o Personal Growth

o After you have developed your categories, focus your energy and attention on each category, one at a time. Write down your ideal goals and outcomes for that category in the coming year. Take your time, writing as many aspirations as you can think of. The key is not to over think your ideas. Usually the first thoughts you think of are what you truly desire. Use the same process for the remaining categories.

o Compare your Life Creating Visual with your significant other or good friend. Have each person share their entire visual one at a time. Next, start looking for the areas where you can support one another in achieving each other’s goals for the coming year. Make sure to talk about the challenges and success factors to achieving the goals and outcomes. Stay realistic, setting yourself up for success instead of failure.

o When you have your Life Creating Visual completed post it in a place where you can see it every day. The wall into the bathroom, your bedroom mirror, or in the kitchen. Just post it!

I know what some of you are thinking right now, “This is going to be a lot of hard work and take up a bunch of my time.” I feel the same way at times and I just don’t want to go through the hassle to do this kind of personal growth work. Guess what? I still do it, and then after all is said and done, I wonder why I even hesitated at all. Getting over the hump to create the life you want takes effort. In the end, nothing could be greater than living the life you create each and every day.

Time is running out! How are you going to create the rest of your life?

Let me know what you think?

Dear Sean,
Volunteering in our community is something I’ve always enjoyed doing. However, I’m finding that the more I give, the more people expect of me. What can I do when I find that people are taking me for granted?
Help!

Dear Taken for Granted,
One of the hardest words for many of us to learn could quite possibly be the word, “NO,” but this is one word I would highly recommend that you learn. It is very easy to get involved with volunteer opportunities in your community. One of keys to successful volunteering is in knowing your limitations and setting agreed structures and clear communication between each other. If you have five hours to give then learn to say no to additional requests for volunteer time. Don’t let yourself be taken for granted anymore. Learn to set limits and follow through with them. If this means saying “NO” more often so be it. You only have so much to give and burning out does not help anyone.
Keep on keeping on,
Sean

Until next week remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create for yourself.

Last week I found myself in Tulsa caught up in one of the outcomes leading up to the Christmas holiday known as “strip mall mania.” This journey is not one for the faint of heart. The parking karma needed to secure a spot has reached new levels, and people can oftentimes be surly and rude. And the shear volume of advertising and media messages honing in like a magnet directed at our purses and wallets is enough to numb any mind.

It seems like we spend a lot of our time shopping for Christmas gifts and preparing them for presentation to that special someone. There is less time actually spent with the people we have bought gifts for, and even less when those gifts are sent to someone far away and unwrapped when you are not even present.

What if there was a gift so special that you would not be able to find it in a mall, or in a boutique, and not even on the Internet? You would not have to shop away your hard earned money and time on things you or your gift recipients will not be using in six months anyway.

Inside of each one of us are tremendous gifts of talent and skill. The challenge is to consciously discover your special gifts and learn how to expand their capabilities and strength. I have found many of my gifts through interacting with people. When people continually and naturally act positively to the way I present, facilitate, or create, then I know that I am on the right track to more fully understanding my gifts.

I have also come to learn more about my gifts during down time. The time I take to visualize my ideas, rest on a couch, or walk in nature all give me time to see how to better grow and focus my energy on any particular gift I have. The challenge is that the more work I do the less time I have to go through these gift-building exercises. Even a few minutes here and there can make all the difference in the world.

When do people positively acknowledge you for your actions? What were you doing at the time? Could it be a gift waiting to be discovered?

As examples to think about here are some of the personal gifts I will be giving this Christmas:

* One of my good friends in California is re-examining his career path for 2005. I will be sharing the gift of life prioritization and future projections.

* As part of our family goal setting program for the year 2005, I will be sharing the gift of facilitating, strategic planning and visual thinking.

* My father is working on a city council proposal to gain funding and approval to create a skateboard park in the city of Los Gatos, California. I am giving my Dad the gift of group facilitation design and PowerPoint content development.

Giving the gift of yourself and your time is quite possibly the greatest gift one can ever give. The rewards on both sides are tremendous, going way beyond anything that could be bought. This does not mean that we don’t have to go out and purchase gifts, because in some cases we do. It’s all part of playing the game of life.

This Christmas think a little differently about the traditional gift giving you have come to know during the holidays. Instead, give the gift of yourself and your many talents to your family and friends. Just think of all the extra time you will have to spend with the ones you love and share your life with. Think of all the headaches and depression you will avoid. Think about all the money you will save this holiday season, maybe for a rainy day. And while you’re relaxing with friends knowing you are giving the ultimate gift, you can only hope that, one day, the rest of the world shopping their time away will wake up and catch the “giving of your gifts wave.”

Give it a try and see what happens for you and the person gifted.

Let me know what you think?

Dear Sean,
There is such a tremendous need for volunteers in our community. There are so many worthwhile organizations to help, but I don’t want to stretch myself too far. What do you suggest?
Wanting to get involved in Grove

Dear Wanting,
Volunteering can be a very rewarding way to give back to yourself and the community. There always seems to be much more need than resources available to carry out the mission of most non-profit organizations. This is why it is important to understand the average amount of time you have each month to volunteer. If you have a smaller amount of time you might think about volunteering for one organization that truly gets you excited. If you have quite a bit of time you can choose to expand your volunteering to a variety of endeavors needing help. Follow your passion – if you want to work with children contact CASA or the Grand Lake Family YMCA. If you enjoy working with animals talk to The Humane Society. If you are into art or gardening check out Lendonwood Gardens or The Brush & Palatte Art Gallery. Contact the Grove Area Chamber of Commerce or the Grand Lake Association for a list of the organizations in the Grove area. Identify the organizations that best fit your passion and personal mission. Visit with key players running the organizations to see if you have a good fit. Take it slow and learn to say no from time to time.
Keep on keeping on,
Sean

Until next week remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create for yourself.

This is one of those stories you just don’t seem to forget. When Kristen, my wife, was a little kid, she, like many of us, learned the “ABC Song,” in her case, while taking swimming lessons at the local YMCA. We all know this song – we sing along with any child who starts belting out the alphabet. However, there’s one difference with Kristen’s version. When she was stretched out on her back learning to float on the shoulder of her swim instructor and her ears were under the water the alphabet that she learned was a bit different. Instead of L, M, N, O, P, she learned it as a word instead of letters, “Elemental P.” Imagine a small child singing the alphabet for years in school with all her enthusiasm and excitement, saying “Elemental P” Q.R.S.T.U.V. . . the incorrect letters and words as sung in the “ABC Song.”

At the time, Kristen couldn’t believe that she had gotten part of the “ABC Song” wrong. She became distressed and wanted to continue singing the song the way she had been prior to being discovered by a teacher’s overly keen ear. After a while Kristen was finally able to accept the fact that she needed to relearn the “ABC Song” and say the letters L.M.N.O.P instead of her beloved “Elemental P.” Sometimes mistakes such as the one Kristen experienced can leave lasting marks and effect how we act in our lives today. I think it’s great that Kristen can laugh at herself and not take this kind of situation too seriously.

I would think that all of us have had more than our share of “Elemental P” experiences pop-up from time to time. Currently I am having my own “Elemental P” situation. My Macintosh PowerBook laptop computer recently lost the use of its “P”. It’s one of those letters you just don’t think about a whole lot until you lose it. Words like “inspire” and “passion” have to be replaced with less impactful words such as “motivate” and “energetic”. As a writer, the loss of “P” can be very frustrating, but also enlightening. I’ve learned to keep my Thesaurus at hand to replace words, I’ve created an entire Word document with “P’s” written so I can cut and paste when I need one, and I’ve resorted to snagging my wife’s portable keyboard for emergency use.

There are a number of steps I needed to take so I could discover the creative options that would solve my problem, if only temporarily. The steps that I took to arrive at alternative solutions went something like this. My initial response was denial, and we are not talking about the river here. “This just can’t be happening to me. Not having a “P” available at my finger tips is holding me back from doing what I am trying to do.” Then I started getting angry. “I just don’t have time for this, damn it all.” Then I thought, hey, I can bargain my way out this situation, “If I can just get this “P” to work, I will make this the best darn article I’ve ever written.”

As I sat there stumped by the whole thing I started getting a little depressed, “I really can’t handle anymore obstacles right now and have too much to do.” No matter how hard I tried to fix the problem, using the same tried and true methods, it just didn’t work. Finally, after much time and mental effort, I was able to let go and acknowledge that what had been working wasn’t working anymore. It is at this point that I started seeing new options and let loose my solution-based creative thinking, supporting me to identify new options. Once I arrived at this point, I was able to move past my anger and frustration to a place where I could be more open and see the creative options that would solve my problem.

Do you have an “Elemental P” situation you’re dealing with? How can you accelerate your ability to gain the creative solution oriented thinking needed to solve your problem?

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean,
I was amazed at how quickly you were able to change your attitude about your back injury. How did you do that?
Curious in Vinita

Dear Curious,
It has not been easy. Years of practice, practice and more practice. Practice at being aware of how I am feeling, thinking, and acting in any given moment. In the situation of my back injury I could feel myself getting upset and I could hear myself saying, “You’re baked, now what are you going to do?” As I felt and listened to what was going on inside of me, I realized that being totally negative would not help the situation at all. Once I became aware of my actions I realized I needed to change my attitude. So I relaxed, breathed in and out, slowly shifted my thinking, “I accepted the situation I found myself in, looked for the positive and identified opportunities to learn.” The neat thing is, that because I was infirmed in California, I was able to visit with my sister whom I have not seen in over two years.
With awareness and practice you can learn how to adjust to difficult situations.
Keep on Keeping on,
Sean

Until next week remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create for yourself.

It was a picture-perfect Friday following an incredibly delicious, intoxicating and memorable Thanksgiving celebration in the San Francisco Bay Area. I was enjoying another round of food, drink and cheer with yet another set of family members, because gaining 10 pounds in four days is okay during this time of year. It was during dinner when my good friend and computer genius, Brad Vernon, appeared at the front door of my In-Laws home. Seems as though I’d left one of my sketchbooks at the home of my content editor, Alice Fenton, earlier in the week, and it was Brad to the rescue. As I went to get up out of my chair to greet Brad I found myself unable to stand. A sharp pain ran through my lower back. With much effort and tremendous pain I was able to rise and hobble to the front door. Brad and Kristen, my wife, were both alarmed at my obvious pain and asked what was wrong. All I could say is, “I’m not sure.”

After Brad left I almost crawled to the bedroom that Kristen and I were using as a temporary home base. As I lay in bed, the pain increased and my mobility decreased. This was not a good situation at all, you see, because we were scheduled to fly back home to good old Zena USA the following morning. Both Kristen and I were anxious to get back home to our sanctuary on Grand Lake. Keeping a positive attitude I said, “No problem. This will pass and we will make our flight back home.”

With the break of morning and the irritating sound of the alarm clock, I found that my back was not better at all, in fact, the pain had grown far worse. When I attempted to rise, I was sent screaming to the floor with excruciating muscle spasms in my lower back. When they would not stop I began to get upset and a little scared. How could this be? I mean, I had a plane to catch, my poochies to hug and love, bonfires to build, birds to feed and work to do.

As I realized that I would not be making the flight as planned, I really began to get upset and focused on everything that was negative and that could possibly go wrong. I was being thrown a major curve ball and I did not like it one bit. In fact, I was upset to the point of tears. Like all of us, there was much to do once I returned home – strategy sessions to lead, presentations to give, Web sites to be designed, sales calls to make and interviews to be had. I didn’t have time for a bad back!

As I started getting more and more upset, realizing that I would be indefinitely stuck on the west coast in tree-hugger central, it dawned on me that I had a choice. I could choose to accept my situation, look for the positive and even learn from the circumstances in which I found myself, or I could fight it and make myself and everyone around me miserable.

When I changed my attitude from fighting the situation to accepting it, I noticed I was beginning to feel much better. Of course, that could also have had something to do with the painkillers my parents had given me, but I digress. I was even able to laugh at the situation when not overwhelmed by pain.

Curve balls are a part of life. We can choose to accept them or not accept them. When we accept the curve balls that life throws at us and look for the positive, we support a more balanced approach to life. When we choose not to accept our curve balls, we push against the grain and only make our situation worse. We have the power to choose.

How do you react or respond to the curve balls life throws at you? The next time life throws you a curve ball what choice will you make?

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean,
My mom wants me to go to nursing school because it’s a guaranteed career. The problem is that I don’t have any desire to be a nurse, but I don’t want to disappoint my mom. What should I do?
Career-Challenged in Catoosa

Dear Career-Challenged,
I can relate to your situation. My mother wanted me to become an architect. Here is the thing – it’s your life, not your mother’s. I believe strongly in following your passion. What are your passions? Focus on them. The key is to not settle for the safe route and to do what it is that you want to do. This concept may be difficult for your mother to understand or embrace. Talk to her openly and honestly to let her know that you understand she only wants the best for you.

Only you truly know what’s best for you. You can do anything you choose to do!
Keep on keeping on.
Sean

Until next week remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create for yourself.