What Box?^®

This week finds Kristen and I spending the Thanksgiving holiday in California. On this particular day, in Santa Cruz, we are taking in the beauty of the Pacific Ocean and all the eccentricies that come with a California beach lifestyle. We are here to celebrate Thanksgiving with our families and friends and spread a little joy. Whenever I am by the ocean during this time of year, I find myself thinking about how much there is to be thankful for.

In my life, I have continually strived to express my thanks and appreciation on a consistent basis. It has only been over the last couple of years that I have started to better understand the art of expressing thanks. This is in fact harder than it sounds. Our society is one of “no-news-is-good-news,” or even worse, we don’t hear from people until we do something wrong. This negative approach to communication between one another only succeeds in creating an environment of fear and distrust, continuing to reinforce ongoing negative actions and more of the same.

When we genuinely express our gratitude and say “thank you” to another person, we have the potential to inspire, motivate, encourage, and reinforce positive actions and greater success. When we focus on the positive attributes of a person, giving thanks becomes more natural and is likely to be expressed on a more regular basis. Examples of these would be in giving thanks to those who have contributed positively to an endeavor, or to friends and family who have supported us through difficult times. This is especially true when the wisdom that has been shared helps support clearer thoughts and actions.

Yet, how often do we say “thank you” to the people we love and work with? Unfortunately, in my experiences working with corporations, small businesses and community endeavors all over the world, “thank-you’s” seem to be a rare occurrence. I have even heard it said during a meeting that saying “thankyou” has the potential to show a sign of weakness and thus was to be used sparingly.

As a big “thank you” kinda guy I have experienced how much power there is in these two words. I have observed that people are more willing to go the extra mile, do things without being asked, and generally work in a much higher state of productivity and creative thinking when they are shown appreciation for their efforts. I wonder how many wars, how much violence, terrorism, and other negative actions would be reduced if we all found the courage to genuinely thank people for a job well done on a more regular basis?

What are you thankful for?

In the spirit of Thanksgiving here is a selection of people and experiences I am thankful for.

For all the family and friends who have supported me in continuing to pursue my passions. I stand on the shoulders of extremely powerful and talented people, people who have inspired and challenged me to follow my passion and keep it alive.

I am thankful for having one of the most incredible women of all time standing by my side supporting me to achieve my best: challenging me to grow and stretch, all the while feeding me with some of the greatest soul food ever created.

I am thankful for my mother and father’s dedication and “never-ever-give-up” attitude in building our family along with their acceptance and support of my non-traditional views and how I live my life. I love you mom and dad.

I am thankful for the vultures that migrate to our Grand Lake land and inspire us with their effortless ability to soar.

I am thankful for the ability to travel so freely all over the world and experience different cultures which enables me to better understand the world in which we live.

I am thankful for all the great friends who have influenced my life. They have supported me in going even further with my goals and ambition, empowering me to stretch to greater limits each day.

I am thankful for the land on which I live, the water that I drink, the air that I breathe, and the knowledge that the sun will rise and set each day.

In the immortal words of Bob Hope, “Thanks for the memories.” It is a bit of a challenge to list all the people and experiences I am thankful for in this edition of What Box? Now is an ideal time for each of us to expand our collection of thank-you’s and start calling, mailing, emailing and meeting people that we are thankful being in our lives.

How can you express your “thank-you’s” on a more regular basis?

I wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, where a lifetime of memories is created, where your friends and family relationships only grow closer and deeper.

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean,
I have a very difficult time expressing myself, especially to people I don’t know well. I sometimes feel like I get walked on because I don’t speak up, but I don’t want to seem rude.
Shy in Claremore

Dear Shy in Claremore,
Speaking up for yourself is a very important skill to develop in life and when communicated in an honest and sincere way is not rude at all. You need to take care of yourself and be true to who you are. Sometimes this may mean saying things people may not want to hear. It is not your issue if someone becomes upset by your expression, it is, in fact, theirs. Kristen, my wife, has mastered this skill of direct communication by not letting things pass and in the moment addressing any issue that she feels strongly about. I believe that as you find yourself feeling like you need your voice heard it is best to do it right then and there. Waiting to express your voice only supports not saying anything at all. In fact, when you don’t express your voice when you know and feel you need to, you continue to set the stage for people to walk all over you and reduce your sense of self worth. When you are not comfortable with a situation let people know you are not wiling do this or that. When you are asked to do something and it does not work for you, learn to say no with grace. You’re valuable and your voice is important. The process of expressing yourself on a more consistent basis will take conscious effort and much practice. The time is ripe for you to start expressing what is important to you. See how people react to the new more expressive you.
Keep on keeping on,
Sean

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create.

So how do I really know that I know more than I know I know?

Think of all the experiences you have been exposed to during your life.
When you start thinking about these experiences, you begin to realize that
you have been exposed to a great wealth of information and knowledge,
knowledge you can apply to your individual and community goals and dreams.
It is said that today’s 18 year old is exposed to more information and
knowledge than my Grandfather was exposed to during his entire 78 years on
this planet.

Wow!

Perhaps one of the differences between those who continue to settle for a
life of status quo and those who go on to achieve great things, is that the
latter have a willingness and desire to tap into their personal wealth of
knowledge. These people have a willingness to stretch themselves and step
off into the unknown as a way to increase their learning experiences and
base of knowledge.

The brain files away everything we experience or that we are exposed to,
yet we only use about 10% of our brain’s potential. You lifetime collection
of knowledge has tremendous potential to support you in achieving your
inner most desires. When you are not using this reservoir of knowledge, it
is difficult to move forward, to take risks, and as a result, you hesitate
to make the changes you know will help you get where you want to go.

How can you tap into your unlimited wealth of personal knowledge?

In my life, I started to understand that I know more than I know I know
while living in California. It happened October 17, 1989 at 4:24pm. I was
out mowing the front lawn of my house on a picture perfect tree-lined
street in Willow Glen.

Suddenly, the ground under my feet moved. Trees that lined the street began
to sway and touch the ground, cars started bouncing across the road,
chimneys crumbled in front of me in slow motion. And then, just as suddenly,
it all stopped. The moment the movement stopped, it felt as if time stood
still for a split second. The Loma Prieta earthquake had hit Northern
California. The damage was everywhere.

Just as suddenly, my neighbor across the street, a senior women in her 80′s,
started running in and out of her house screaming and flailing her arms
hysterically. All I could think of doing was to hug her as tight as I could
and let her know everything would be alright. After a few minutes of
holding her as she cried in my arms, she suggested that she wanted a smoke.
On any other day this would have been just fine, but on this day, the whole
neighborhood could go up in flames if there were any gas line breaks. For
no apparent reason, I stopped her and started smelling the air for gas. To
my surprise I could smell the slight hint of gas. I convinced her to not
smoke and enrolled another neighbor to stay with her. Then, just as the
Woodard Hollow Spout would have done, I went and filled a banana box full
of my best bottles of alcohol. This move had the desired calming effect and
many neighbors started congregating around the banana box of spirits,
listening to the local radio reports and sharing stories.

By this time only a few minutes had passed since the earthquake. That is
when the first after shock hit and the smell of gas got stronger. One of my
neighbors and I decided to go check everyone’s gas pipes and meters. We
began knocking on the doors of the remaining residents in the neighborhood,
the ones we had not been able to account for. A lady lived in one of the houses on the
corner, a lady whom I had only seen coming and going in the past. I
went up to knock on her door. As I walked up the porch I could hear the faint sounds of a lady moaning and proceeded to cautiously open the door.
There, laying on the floor, was a wonderful, frail, older lady, who was
absolutely petrified by what had just happened. This was the first time I
had the chance to see the kind of damage that was taking place inside each
house. Things were thrown everywhere, pictures where turned upside down,
entire china cabinets, contents and all, were smashed on the floor, and the
furniture was a jumbled mess.

With the help of a neighbor we were able to slowly get our scared friend
out of her house. We then joined the growing number of neighbors who shared
experiences and found comfort in community.

I ended up spending the next couple hours going through the neighborhood
supporting those that needed support, either emotionally or physically.
After PG&E showed up to fix the gas leak and the aftershocks become less
frequent, all of the neighbors had a chance to get to know each other a
little better and become more comfortable the situation. It was during this
time I was able to slow down and take a breath. While I was winding down, I
started to wonder where the heck I had learned such leadership and
solution skills. Never before had I had to comfort so many people. Never
before had I had the opportunity to identify a gas leak and fix it Never
before had I been involved in such a traumatic crisis situation.

Yet, I knew what to do without even thinking twice. The energy and flow of
that October day is one that I have reflected upon often. That day I put
the power of knowing more than I knew I knew into action and ever since, I
have been working to do the same each and every day.

What experiences in your life have supported you to be become aware of your
understanding that you know more than you know you know? How can you pull
that kind of knowing into your life on a more regular basis?

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean,
I think I understand what you were saying last week in your column. I DO
know more than I know, but sometimes I don’t know what I don’t know. Does this make sense???
Confused near Grand Lake

Dear Confused near Grand Lake,
Everyone knows things that they don’t know they know. The challenge is to
embrace and go for the opportunities where you can explore and uncover what
you don’t know and put it into action. When you stretch yourself and go
beyond your comfort zone you can uncover a greater level of knowing.
The other side of the coin is, and it has been said on more than one
occasion, “the more I know the less I know.” The more you learn and
understand, the more there is to learn and understand. In the end, we never
really know for sure, even when we think we know for sure. It is important
to remain open to new ideas and directions. Seeds of wisdom hide in them.
Keep on keeping on,
Sean

Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create for yourself.

Just the other day, I was thinking, perhaps we might want to consider changing our name as a species from “Human Beings” to “Human Doings.” Think about this for a minute. In Western society, we have become so active, that “doing” is the only way we seem to derive value from our lives. In fact, we are constantly developing new technologies and processes that enable us to do more things in less time so we can do more things. We are definitely in the “Human Doings” mode of operation.

And what are we “doing” all these things for? Will Rogers may have had a clue about why we are always in the “doing” mode. Will said, “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t know.” And of course, spending more and more money means, “doing” more and more things.

As an artist portraying life issues, I believe that one of the main reasons we are always “doing,” or in action, is because we have a deep desire to control things in our external world. We want to control our stature in life, the power we have, our leisure time, and security of our property, just to name a few. The reality is that control is merely an illusion and the more you attempt to control the more control you lose.

Technology, whether we realize it or not, permeates every fiber of our society and is probably the greatest single tool we have to enable us in achieving the control we so desperately desire. We put our faith, as a society, in the power of technology and the technical sciences to solve all of our problems. Having been deeply involved with the technology industry, I can see the potential danger with this kind of thinking. The danger is not with technology itself, but that it might become elevated to a religion or used exclusively as a tool to create profit. The inherent nature of a “Free Market” society is to develop competing technologies. The global arms race and terrorist threats that endanger all of us can be directly linked to this “Free Market” technologically-driven profit model.

Do you think that just because we have the power to do something we should do it?

Today, most people are so busy “doing” that they have lost touch with “being,” and have become prisoners of time. As a result, our society has lost its sense of balance. This is where “being” comes in. “Being” implies being present in each and every moment and not preoccupied with what has happened in the past or what may or may not happen in the future. Taking the time to just “be” in nature, to focus on the clouds, to let the mind rest and to think of nothing opens up the possibility to create genuine wisdom. “Being” with your children, your family, and your friends without being preoccupied with what you could or should be doing enables us to appreciate our lives and our relationships with people in a meaningful and powerful way.

It is not easy to create a balanced life in today’s world. As a society, we have collectively put so many expectations on ourselves that to come anywhere near achieving these expectations we have to keep on doing and doing and doing and doing some more.

Creating a balance in one’s life takes tremendous effort. Life has its ebbs and flows and does not always follow the path we might want. You can take steps to create a more balanced life by setting aside time each and every day to do nothing and just “be.” Take the time to appreciate your life and those of the people close to you. Take the time to rest your body and mind, creating a space to be in awakened rest and reflection. I have found that when I am able to incorporate “being” time into my day and life, I am better prepared to take on the challenges of life and feel more complete.

How often do you focus your energy on “being” rather than “doing?”

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean,
I am so anxious about the outcome of the election. I don’t know how I’ll deal with the candidates losing that I voted for. What should I do if they lose?
On the Edge of My Seat

Dear On the Edge of My Seat,
Just by getting out and voting you have made a powerful step towards making a difference. You have done all you can to effect change. The outcomes of the election are out of your control. Take a deep breath and LET GO. It is all you can do. The only thing certain in life is uncertainty. Get ready for one wild ride.
Keep on keeping on,
Sean

Remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create for yourself.