What Box?^®

When it rains it pours and right now it is pouring cats and dogs in my life. Over the past couple years I have been sowing seeds on a number of exciting business, art, and community endeavors. And, as happens so many times, a bunch of these seeds of possibility have started to grow, all at the same time. These activities take quite a bit of energy to keep alive and I am starting to see myself running on the perpetual clock-time treadmill as my commitments grow.

Just returning from San Francisco and a very hectic schedule, it is, indeed, good to be back home with my family, friends, and the sanctuary of nature. Taking a walk in the woods and along the lakeshore relaxes me and helps to slow down my thoughts. The urgency and stress of so much to do and not enough time to do it starts to lift almost effortlessly.

As I was wandering around my property I decided to sit on a bench surrounded by trees with a nice view of the lake. And while I was sitting there it happened. Out of the blue I became totally present in that exact moment. There was no past and no future in my thinking. I was totally absorbed by the leaves falling, spiders spinning their webs, squirrels busily stocking food away for the winter. The wind blowing through the trees, created a beautiful song and I felt in tune with the rhythms of nature. I was living in the moment. I had no worries, no deadlines, and traditional time had lost it grip on my consciousness.

Then, just as suddenly, I was right back into thinking about the things that I needed to accomplish in the next few days. This line of thinking went on for a few minutes then I consciously thought to myself, “focus on the present, let go the future.” It took some effort then all of the sudden I was back in tune with the rhythms of nature and totally present in the moment, no past, no future. This went back and forth for quite some time until I decided I needed a rest. I will probably be working on this one the rest of my life. Being present in the moment takes a lot of practice, because the present moment is very brief. It is instantly turning into the past.

This got me thinking about a workshop I taught at the Grove Alternative Academy last year which was designed to support the students to be more present in each moment of their lives. The idea is that for so many of us we tend to live our lives either thinking about the past, how we could have acted differently, reassessing past behaviors, wondering about “what ifs.” Or thinking about the future where we ultimately want to live, the kind of job we desire, I would be happy if . . ., etc.

Here is the thing. All that exists is this moment. The right here and right now.

The Past is History
We can’t change things and we can’t go back in time, at least not that I know of currently. We can learn from the past but there is nothing we can do to change the past. It is in the past. Yet so many of us focus a lot of our mind space thinking about the past. If your past experiences and relationships have been positive, in all likelihood this is how you will project and think about future experiences and relationships. If the experiences and relationships in your past have negativity associated with them, this is how you are likely to think about your future.

When I think about the past I have a tendency to get stuck in “I am not good enough.” “What will people think of my work?” “How I could have done it better?”, or the tired “It will never work.” When I think about the past in this way I am letting it take over and influence my behavior. When I relive the past in this way I am doomed to recreating the same thing over and over again. I have discovered through trial and error that consciousness of thought and presence in the moment supports breaking these types of patterns.

The Future is a Dream
There is no way to predict what is going to happen to you today, in the next hour, or even the next minute. Anything can happen and we have no way of knowing what it might be. No matter how hard we think about the future it is a dream that we can’t predict.

I know that I put a lot of my energy into the future: creating timelines for new business endeavors and projecting where they will be in six years; planning for what I will write for the next What Box? article; setting my schedule a year or more in advance. Because of these future projections I am setting expectations that certain things will happen and when they will happen. When they don’t, I might get a little disgruntled and let the past creep in to support creating a future that has been repeated over and over.

Living in the present moment means being totally aware of what is happening around you, what you are doing, how you are feeling and what you are thinking. When we live present in each moment this does not mean that we give up learning from our past or stop developing plans for the future. Instead we are conscious, focused and present in the moment when we are making these plans and decisions. Living in this manner will support you to take on life’s challenges with greater ease and deal better with whatever it is you are doing in your life.

By living more in the present you see things as they are, without the lens of your past or future. When you live in the present moment you start letting go of the influences of your expectations, agendas, fears, frustrations, desires, attachments, and history. You open up to new opportunities that might have been missed, because, maybe, you were dwelling to much on the past instead of being conscious of what was happening in the now.

When our minds are consumed by inner chatter we start acting like robots and continually repeat the same mistakes of our past without ever learning from them. The more you think about the same thing the deeper the groove in your brain and the more that pattern will continually repeat itself. Nothing new happens when we continually have the same thoughts and then we complain about what is happening in our lives.

You have the power to change by learning to live in the present moment. When you concentrate on what you are doing each and every moment, you gain the power of insight and the awareness of being alive. Through continual practice and experiential learning you start to realize the inner calmness, peace and release of thought that so many spiritual leaders have spoken about. You start to lift the veil of mystery and realize that presence in each moment is not out of our reach and, instead, is more like coming home.

Let me know what you think?

Dear Sean,
I have a very difficult time relaxing. I think I always need to do
something, but I’m starting to get tired. Do you have any suggestions on how I can start learning to relax?
Uptight in Zena

Dear Uptight in Zena,
Thanks for the note.
Sometimes I think we should be called “human doings” instead of “human beings.” Learning to relax and just “be” takes practice. Try this relaxation technique and see what happens. During the next month set aside one hour a week just for yourself and take a relaxation break. It could be in the morning, afternoon, or night you choose. Find a quite place to spend during your relaxation break, perhaps a garden, a park, an easy chair, a boat dock, a special room, a museum, whatever environment that supports you to feel as comfortable as possible. Bring a book you have wanted to read, a pencil and some paper. Jot down whatever comes to your mind and let it go. Spend some time reading and just melt into where ever you are, focusing on letting all your stress release itself into the unknown universe.
Let me know how it goes,
Sean

Remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create for yourself.

I woke up this morning in downtown San Francisco. This was not just any ordinary morning for me. It was the third anniversary of the day after 9/11 – a day when I was scheduled to be at Windows on the World on top of the World Trade Center. Feelings and emotions I can’t explain or express ran through every fiber of my being. You know those times, when you really don’t quite feel like yourself.

I am in The City having just participated in the celebration of a marriage. One of my great friends and fellow entreprenuer/artists has married a most incredible woman. The wedding ceremony was filled with great love and joy, a traditional Jewish wedding with a California twist created a perfect union. We were on Treasure Island and the views of San Francisco were some the best I have ever experienced. This September 11th was a picture postcard kind of day.

The wedding party was a reunion of family, friends, associates, artists and creative leaders from all around the world. We did what you do at weddings – sing, dance, drink, eat, tell stories and enjoy the company of one and other. Many friends I had not seen in over 12 years, if you can believe that, were very intrigued and astonished by my choice of living in a place called Zena, Oklahoma on Grand Lake O’ the Cherokees. Growing up a third-generation Californian you are taught that there is no place better in the world to live, that California is Shangri-La. I had believed this for most of my life.

As I shared the story of how the heck I ended up in Oklahoma, too many times to count, the question seemed to naturally come out of them as if they already new the answer, “So, are you thinking of moving back anytime soon?” Now this is where their minds would get a little tweaked. My consitent response was, “I love where I live and don’t have any inkling what-so-ever to move back to The Golden State.” The more I shared how wonderful the rural lake lifestyle was for me the more they asked questions like. “Where do you shop? What do you do for fun? Where do you eat? Are there tornado’s? How is the winter? Don’t they have strange liquor laws?” It was a hoot.

The thing is, that being in a city or metropolitan area has now become reverse culture shock to my system. “Where are the hay bales? Where are the cows? Where is the one lane country dirt road? Where is nature? Where is the road kill? Where is the quiet of living in the sticks?” By getting out of the rat race you really begin to gain a new perspective and see how unhealthy the city life can be for so many people. As I walked down Mission Street in San Francisco I thought I might not make it out alive. It was a scary and dirty place. Houses all looked the same, rows and rows of them. The only way I could identify my parents house in their planned unit development was because of a couple American flags that are strategically placed in the front yard.

The new shopping malls are a celebration of excess. After you spend half an hour searching for a parking spot, you enter an over-stimulation zone designed to extract as much of your hard earned money as they can motivate you to part with. The pace is deadly and the thirst to be the first, have the most and own the best seems to be accelerating. I really started missing my home in Zena.

I just know I will live longer, we all will, because of our rural lake lifestyle. The pace of life is so much more manageable. We get to know our neighbors and community on a personal level. We get to be more intimate with our political leaders. We get to fish anytime we want. We get to constantly be in nature and experience diverse wildlife. We get to see the Milky Way when we look up into the night sky. We get the amazing experience of four seasons. We get weather warnings. We get to see content Oklahoma cows. We get the chance to buy local products. We get to drive on country roads and everyone lifts a finger or two as a way to say hi. We are truly blessed to be living in such a wonderful spot on this earth and I am grateful for the opportunity to be a steward of a small slice of our land.

Each year, September 12th helps to remind me to be grateful for each moment and to live that moment as if it were the last. This trip helped to remind me of why Kristen and I moved to Oklahoma to live on Grand Lake O’ the Cherokees in a place called Zena.

What do you think?

Write me at sean@whatbox.info or The Chronicle of Grand Lake PO Box 757 Langley, OK 74350 c/o What Box? Visit www.whatbox.info to learn more.

Dear Sean,
I never know if what I want is really what is best for me. How do I determine if what I want is necessarily what I need?
Do I need what I want?

Dear Do I need what I want,
In our overcomsumptive world we seem to want more than we need a lot more than we used too. You need air, food, shelter, love, and companionship to survive. Once these kind of needs are met everything else is a want. If your wants positively affect your life and that of others then they are what is best for you. Next time you are thinking about what it is you want, ask yourself. “How does what I want make me feel?” Let your imagination take you to a place where you have what you want and then experience how you feel about having what you want. If it is a positive experience then go for it. If there is any negativity experienced, think about the real reasons you want what you want. After all, you only need what you need.
Keep on keeping on,
Sean

Until next week remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create for yourself.

Over the past week I have had the surreal experience of being poisoned by the bite of a brown recluse spider. I’m not sure when or where it happened. Other than my flu-like symptoms, I didn’t even know that I was poisoned, that is until the skin around the bite started to die. Not so pretty. Being a very active person, maybe you can relate to this, it is not often I carve out any quality downtime to rest and rejuvenate myself, even when I am sick. But relaxing, sleeping, and in general letting my mind wander is what I have been doing. The influence of the spider bite had my body and mind telling me to rest.

It was in those downtimes, when I was half awake, sitting up in my bed that I did what I do whenever I get some quality downtime. I grab one of my sketchbooks and start to visualize what ever comes to my head, in a kind of free flow of consciousness. While I was sketching I started thinking about something I think about quite a bit. That is “What do I want?” My wants and personal needs have changed over time and I am always re-evaluating what it is that I want so that I can more clearly understand the decisions I have to make to get me where I want to go.

At times I really am not totally sure of what I want. It is at those times I turn to my personal mission statement which states, “To make a positive difference and show what is possible.” My mission statement acts as my ships rudder and is a reminder of the focused decisions I must make to achieve the vision I have for myself. If “What I want” fits within my mission statement, I am moving in the right direction. What Box? is a perfect example of fulfilling my mission statement and achieving that which I have wanted for quite some time. The creation of an interactive forum to share the creativity, joy, hardships, and opportunities held within life lessons and teachings.

This got me thinking on an even deeper level. With so many possibilities within each one of us, how often do we deliberately ask ourselves, “What do I want?” Our uniquely personal wants are as diverse as the situations in which we find ourselves. Yet, in the time you have been alive on this earth, how many times have you deliberately asked yourself, “What do I want?”

Each of our lives is filled with so many choices. If you are going to live the life you want, it is critical to know what it is you want so you can make the choices that will take you there. Can you name what you want in your life? Most of us have never taken the time to really think about what it is we want or we don’t even know how to figure it out.

Here is the part that scares me the most. If you don’t make the choices in your life, others will make them for you. Often our choices are a direct result of our circumstances, family, parents, where we grow up, or even our place of birth. Deciding what you want in life is not always easy. This takes practice and patience. When you realize you have the power to make the choices to achieve what it is you want in life a new chapter opens for you, a chapter filled with endless opportunities and possibilities.

Here are some of the methods I use to discover “What I want” along with what actions to take.

* Write the title, “What Do I Want?” at the top or center of a blank piece of paper. Then draw or list all the things you want as fast as you can. Just let what you want flow out of you without judgment. Keep on working at it until you have filled as much of the page as possible.

* Prioritize your wants and develop an action plan. Set goals to achieve what it is you want. Set your goals in 1 week, 1 month, and 6 month increments. When it is really important to me I like to take these written goals and post them where I’ll see them daily as a reminder and benchmark to follow.

* Take the time for a week and keep track of how you spend your time each day. See how much time you focus on attaining what it is you want. At the end of the week evaluate how you spend your time and adjust to focus more on what it is you want.

* Start capturing ideas you have about your personal vision, mission, and purpose as they come up for you. Save these ideas in a file and keep reviewing and adding to them.

How much time and energy this kind of process takes totally depends upon you. Where you are today is the best place to start. You have everything you need inside of you to take you where you want to go.

Life is so much more rewarding when you are going for and achieving what it is you want from life. The choice is yours.

Let me know what you think.

Dear Sean
Last week you wrote about how you were very lucky to have found a career path that you love. How did you find it?
Curious

Dear Curious,
Thank you for your note.
When I am passionate about doing something I am doing what I love. Your passions hold the key to support you in doing what you love. Think about and list your passions then connect those passions to your career, family, community or what-ever is important to you. When you follow your passion, you take a giant leap closer to where you want to go.
Keep on keeping on,
Sean

Until next week remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create for yourself.

It was Will Rogers who said, “All I know is what I read in the papers.” Eighty years later it could be said, “All I know is what I read on the Internet.” I start each day out with a regular routine of reading the New York Times, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, San Jose Mercury News, The London Times, select headlines in The Drudge Report and yes, even The Chronicle of Grand Lake. The great thing about this is that I am able to do my daily reading by simply jumping on the Internet right from my studio in Zena, Oklahoma. I wonder what Will would have to say about our technological advances of today.

If it were not for the Internet, Kristen, my wife, and I would have not been able to move to Oklahoma because our core business activities have been so dependent on the Internet for our livelihood. Moving to and living on Grand Lake is the single greatest move Kristen and I have made together. We still pinch ourselves in the morning when we walk down to our boat dock and enjoy a cup of coffee together watching the wildlife, breathing in the fresh air, and realizing how blessed we are to be living in one of the most special spots on earth. But if you would have asked us just five years ago if we would ever consider visiting much less living in Oklahoma we would have, in all likelihood, laughed our, you know what off.

We were both guilty of not knowing what we didn’t know. What I have learned from this life altering experience of visiting and living in Oklahoma is that many of my opinions and beliefs have been based upon a lack of information and knowledge. Yet I have had a tendency to hold tight to these beliefs even when I have been totally wrong. I still catch myself doing this and have to remind myself that I may not have all the information to be holding onto this belief. The Oklahoma experience helps to keep this reminder strong.

What beliefs and opinions are you holding onto that may not be true? How can you gain information and experience to acknowledge that things may different than you think they may be?

Prior to visiting and moving to Grand Lake all I really knew of Oklahoma was what my mother had told me about our Great Grannie Arant. She lived in No Man’s Land when it really was just that – that is prior to Texas giving it up to Oklahoma. She showed me old torn pictures and would share stories of how hard life was and how Oklahoma is a place no one would want to live. Of course there was The Grapes of Wrath, which has done nothing to help our great state overcome its image as a dust bowl.

Since moving here Kristen and I have traveled all over Oklahoma including places like Guymon, Lawton, Woodward, Oklahoma City, Norman, Nowata, Guthrie, Claremore, Tulsa, Quartz Mountain Resort, and many places in between. What we have discovered is that Oklahoma has influenced more of the culture of our nation than is realized by most people. From Tulsa once being the oil capitol of the world, to becoming one of the country music capitals of the world, Oklahoma has contributed to the culture and prosperity of the United States. When my father was named after Will Rogers I bet he never thought that I would move so close to the place his namesake once called home.

There are many examples we can all come up with where we did not know what we did not know and yet we have held strong to those beliefs and ideas. We have the opportunity and teh ability to challenge those beliefs and get to what is real. Sometimes it is just easier to hold onto our long-held beliefs instead of exploring deeper and gaining a new perspective. Our country was founded by people who were willing to look beyond what was in front of them and then take the risk to move beyond what was. How can you look beyond what is and what was to create something new and to gain greater knowledge?

Let me know what you think.

Sean,
You seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulders. Do you have any advice on how I can move forward on an idea that I’m really passionate about, but that everyone in my family says is dumb?
Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,
In my life I have been laughed at, poked fun at, and in general told I could not do many of the ideas I have had. This did not stop me from moving forward and I hope it will not stop you either. The key is to have the guts to move through the negativity and follow your dreams. It is very easy for others to pass judgment on anything that is outside of themselves, but how many of them are doing what they love?
Keep on Keeping on,
Sean

Until next week remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create for yourself.