Like so many people around the world I have been watching the Olympics in Athens the past couple of weeks. The talent of the Olympic athletes is totally amazing to me and I think this is a great deal of the reason I watch them so intently. The athletes’ quest for perfection got me thinking about perfection as a goal. I thought about what my friend Nolan Bushnell, the founder of Atari and Chuck E. Cheese Pizza, said about perfection. He said, “The pursuit of perfection leads to stagnation and then eventually to paralysis.” This is something I remind myself of when-ever I am getting too perfectionist oriented. I can understand the desire for perfection to be the goal at the Olympics, but in everyday life I think we fall prey to the idea that we have to be perfect in every way . . . and so does everyone else. Aren’t we all “perfectly imperfect” just as we are? When we are being the best we can be, is that not also perfection?
If I were a baseball player my batting average would be something like .169. I miss more baseballs and strike out way more than I hit the ball, never mind a single, double, or a home run. Kristen, my wife, is laughing right now because I have used baseball as a metaphor. The only sport I really enjoy is a good Formula car race. The thing is that the baseball metaphor could not be much better. After all, what other activity rewards a person so well for getting it right less than 30% of the time? You have to swing at a lot of balls; we are talking a lot of balls, before you connect with one in a meaningful way.
In my life I have made more mistakes, messed up more situations than I care to remember and, in general, have struck out more than I have connected. I have been depressed and felt tremendous hopelessness in my life as a result of some of these mistakes. The difference is that instead of giving up or developing a pessimistic attitude towards life, I have learned from these mistakes and embraced the opportunities within them. By looking at how I contributed to the mistakes I have uncovered new perspectives on how to move forward with my dreams and aspirations. Each time I just had to find the courage to remind myself that I am “perfectly imperfect” and that everyone makes mistakes.
I can remember one such experience as if it happened yesterday. In 1995 I was starting some of my very first consulting gigs and was hired by the Board of the Lucille Packard Children’s Hospital at Stanford University. For this project I was hired to graphically facilitate the Board’s yearly strategic planning session. In graphic facilitation I support groups to think more visually by facilitating them through traditional meeting processes while capturing the ideas developed during the meeting visually on a wall. I do this is with a hand full of colored markers and a piece of paper approximately four feet wide by twenty feet long. With these simple tools I translate the ideas generated during the meeting into images that are easy to understand. Not only am I drawing pictures representing these complex ideas live and in real time, I am capturing key thoughts in words. This particular Board made up of some of the most prestigious doctors in the world were very focused on my mistakes this particular day.
Being a dyslexic, words are always a bit of a challenge. Even when I know the word and how it is spelled I will simply misspell it. You can only imagine what happens when the words are coming from a doctor’s vocabulary. As we all have experienced at one point or another when a doctor is speaking in doctor talk they do not always speak English. As I misspelled the first word the meeting came to a halt because it had to be corrected. I reminded them that, “Hey, this is hand made. Let’s focus on the content and not so much the accuracy because we can correct the spelling later.” No such luck. As the meeting continued the words got harder and harder and I misspelled more and more often. By the time eight hours had passed I actually had to hold back the tears because some of the Board members were so totally focused on the spelling being correct before we could move forward with the meeting.
When I finally got back home I was thinking, “What am I doing this for? I don’t need this torture. Forget this crap.” While I was venting and sitting on my bed stewing I picked up the dictionary I always keep close at hand. I started looking up the words I had misspelled and began writing them down. I was thinking, “I will never misspell this word again,” and proceeded to write the words I had misspelled in front of all those Board members over and over and over – kind of like the way teachers have kids write on the chalkboard. The process of writing those words gave me confidence and I realized that instead of giving up my work as a graphic facilitator I could write down the words I consistently misspell and learn how to spell them correctly on a regular basis.
After 11 years and graphically facilitating hundreds of meetings I continue to misspell words, only now I have learned how to not be so hard on myself and remind myself that I am “perfectly imperfect.” What could be more perfect.
What are your experiences with perfection?
Let me know what you think.
Dear Sean,
I automatically presume that if I give something to someone, they will give me something in return – I buy someone a beer, they buy me one in return. What is the method I can use to freely give without expectation?
Puzzled
Dear Puzzled,
Thanks for the note.
One of the best ways I know to freely give is what some people call “random acts of kindness.” My friend, Andy, always pays for the two people behind him when he crosses the Golden Gate Bridge each day. Kristen and I at random times will buy dinner for another couple without letting them know who has paid for it. When you let go of expectation a whole other world of possibilities opens up for you. Keep the faith.
All my best,
Sean
Until next week, remember the only boxes that exist are the ones you create for yourself.
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